In connection with the modern demand for exemption from motherhood we
have already rejected the expedient of securing love’s freedom through
the rearing of children by the State. At the same time the importance
and value of the parental home was insisted upon as strongly as
possible.
Here, on the other hand, is the place to point out the one-sidedness
of the notion that nothing is more important than that the parents
should remain together for the sake of the children—since everything
must finally depend upon how the parents remain together and what they
become through remaining together.
The more degrading cohabitation is to the personality of each parent
the less valuable will be the influence for the children of the
parental relation.
Only one who sees in marriage a system directly ordained by God, a
form of realisation of the divine reason, can maintain the proposition
that in such a system the good must outweigh human defects. Those who
hold that the maintenance of marriage is always the sound and moral
course, must take upon themselves the burden of proving that the dull
connubial habits of divided mates are a pure source for the origin of
new beings; that their mutually conflicting influences are better able
to further the welfare of the children than a tranquil bringing-up by
one of them: that the happiness of one of them in a new union is more
dangerous to the children than his unhappiness in the former one.
To those, on the other hand, who hold the faith of Life, the question
of the children is always a fresh one in every fresh divorce. Here
again we must rise to the conditional judgment, and leave behind the
chess-board morality with its equal squares of right and wrong. The
danger to the children arising from a divorce depends on all that has
gone before and all that comes after. He who dissolves his marriage in
the face of his inner consciousness of the harm that the children will
thereby suffer, commits a sin which will infallibly be succeeded by
the remorse that friends are sometimes eager to adduce as extenuating
circumstances. He, on the other hand, who “sins” with an easy
conscience, has made his choice with the welfare of the children in one
scale of the balance. This calm of conscience is then not indifference,
and, therefore, does not prevent the possibility of his suffering
deeply through the consequences of the decision which he nevertheless
does not regret. It may be that in most cases where there are children,
the less painful course, even for him who is most convinced of his
personal right, is to endeavour to the utmost to preserve a common life
which allows the children to grow up under the joint protection of a
father and mother, and for the sake of the children to give this life a
worthy and kindly character.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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