For the present, it may be regarded as certain that free divorce
would, above all, afford this advantage, that a number of wives, who
now keep broken-down husbands, could work for food for their children
instead of for liquor for the children’s father; and that a number of
mothers, who now are obliged for the sake of their children to suffer
the deepest humiliation, would be able to free themselves; and in both
cases the children would gain. On the other hand, the father who took
advantage of free divorce to desert his family for frivolous reasons
might, as a rule, be easily spared by that family.
In most cases, the children are even better off through a divorce, when
the cause of it is differences of temperament and opinion between the
parents. Each of them separately may be a person of merit. When they
separate on the ground of dissension, both have a sense of something to
atone for with the children. This prompts them to try to make amends,
and thus the children receive—from each separately—far more than they
did when the parents were united, when the children were witnesses
to their conflicts and saw the worse side of the nature of each. The
children are spared the pain of being the subject of their father’s and
mother’s quarrels; of being compelled to take the part of one of them;
of being torn between two diverse wills, between the jealous endeavours
of each to win them exclusively. They, in part, avoid being brought up
from two different, mutually-counteracting points of view, where one
is trying to take away from the children the ideas that the other has
given them.
But of all this the opponents of divorce take no account. The main
thing is that the parents shall keep together, however chill or dark
with thunder may be the air in which the children grow up.
This point of view misses the reality as much as that of those who
call for divorce as soon as love is over. Keeping together may, in
certain cases, give the children a happier and richer childhood than
the state of things after a divorce. It has been maintained with reason
that discord between the parents is sometimes compensated for by the
value of the manly nature of the one and the womanly nature of the
other, which—even if they do not co-operate—still work well side by
side; and that children who, through dissensions at home, have early
been forced to think and choose for themselves, often become stronger
characters than those who have grown up in happy homes.
While, on the one hand, we hear children whose parents have separated
complain that they did not have the patience to remain together, on
the other we hear those who have grown up in unhappy homes regret the
continuance of their parents’ married life. If this had been dissolved,
the children might have had at least one good home, perhaps two,
whereas now they have none.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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