Look at the time-table for a train which leaves about 2:45 (Eastern Standard Time). Write down, "2:45" on a piece of paper. Add 150. Subtract the number of stations that Valhalla is above White Plains. Sharpen your pencil and bind up your cut finger and subtract the number you first thought of, and the result will show the number of Presidents of the United States who have been assassinated while in office. Then go over to the Grand Central Terminal and ask one of the information clerks what you want to know. [Illustration: "Listen, Ed! This is how it goes!"] They will be glad to see you, for during the last three days they have been actually hungering for the sight of a human face. Sometimes it has seemed to them that the silence and loneliness there behind the information counter would drive them mad. If some one--any one--would only come and speak to them! That is why one of them is over in the corner chewing up time-tables into small balls and playing marbles with them. He has gone mad from loneliness. The other clerk, the one who is looking at the tip of his nose and mumbling Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, has only a few more minutes before he too succumbs. * * * * * And that low, rumbling sound, what is that? It comes from the crowd of commuters standing in front of the gate of what used to be the 5:56. Let us draw near and hear what they are discussing. Why, it is the new time-table, of all things! "Listen, Ed. This is how it goes. This train that goes at 4:25 according to this time-table is really the old 5:20. See? What you do is add an hour"-- "Aw, what kind of talk is that? Add an hour to your grandmother! You subtract an hour from the time as given here. This is Eastern Standard Time. See, it says right here: 'The time shown in this folder is Eastern Standard Time, one hour slower than Daylight-Saving Time.' See? One hour slower. You subtract." "Here, you guys are both way off. I just asked one of the trainmen. The 5:56 has gone. It went at 4:20. The next train that we get is the 6:20 which goes at 5:19. Look, see here. It says 5:19 on the time-table but that means that by your watch it is 6:19"-- "By my watch it is not 6:19. My watch I set by the clock in the station this morning when I came in"-- "Well, the clock in the station is wrong. That is, the clock in the station is an hour ahead of all the other clocks." "An hour ahead? An hour behind, you mean." "The clock in the station is an hour ahead. I know what I'm talking about." "Now listen, Jo. Didn't you see in the paper Monday morning"-- "Yaas, I saw in the paper Monday morning, and it said that"-- "Look, Gus. By my watch--look, Gus--listen, Gus--by my watch"-- "Aw, you and your watch! What's that got to do with it?" "Now looka here. On this time-table it says"-- "Lissen, Eddie"-- Whatever else its publishers may say about it, the new New York Central time-table bids fair to be the most-talked-of publication of the season.