But the barriers were down, and there was no building them up again;
Thyrsis never even tried, because of the revelation which came to him
from Corydon’s side. Corydon was craving, reaching out hungrily for
something which she had not in herself, and which life did not give her
in sufficiency. She called this thing “love”; and she had no hesitations
and no limits to her demand for it. To Thyrsis this “love” was something
quite else--it was sustenance and support. To demand it was an act of
weakness, and to yield it was a kind of spiritual blood-transfusion. It
was the first law of his life-code that every soul must stand upon its
own feet and walk its own way; and to surrender that spiritual autonomy
was the one blunder for which there could be no pardon.
But then--he would argue with himself--what folly it was to talk of such
things in their position! They not souls at all--the life of the soul
was not for them, the laws of the soul had nothing to do with them. They
were two bodies--two miserable and cold and sick and tormented bodies;
and with yet a third body, utterly helpless and dependent upon them--in
defiance of all the most high-sounding pronouncements about “the soul”!
So Thyrsis would mock himself into subjection once more, and go on to
play his part as husband and father and head of a household of bodies.
He would play the game of “love” as Corydon wanted it played; he would
yield to her demands, he would gratify her cravings, he would force
himself to take her point of view. But then the other mood would come
upon him--the mood that he knew to be the real expression of himself.
He would begin the battle of his genius again; he would “hear the echoes
afar off, the thunder of the captains and the shouting”. If one gave
one’s self up to the body, and accepted the regimen and the laws of
the body, how should the soul ever come to be free? To make such a
concession was to pass upon it a sentence of life-imprisonment!
So would come to Thyrsis again that sense of the awful tragedy that was
impending in their lives. Some day, he knew, he would break out of this
prison. Some day, he knew, he would have to be himself, and live his own
life!
And meanwhile, how pitiful were Corydon’s attempts to shape him to her
needs, and to persuade herself that she was succeeding in doing it! She
would set forth to him elaborately how much he had improved; how much
gentler and more human he was--in contrast with that blind and stupid
and egotistical and impossible person she had first known. And with
what bitterness Thyrsis would hear this--and how he had to struggle to
suppress his feeling! For he knew that those qualities which were so
hateful to her, were but the foam cast up to the surface of his soul by
the seething of his genius within. When it had ceased altogether, how
placid and still would be the pool-and what a beautiful mirror it would
make for Corydon to behold her own features in!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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