Section 14. It was, as always, their tragedy that they had no means of
communicating, except through suffering; they had no work, and they had
no art, and they had no religion. To Thyrsis it seemed that this last
was the supreme need of their lives; but it was quite in vain that he
tried to supply it. He had no theologies to offer, but he had a rough
working faith that served his needs. He had a way of prayer--informal
prayers, to the undiscovered gods--“Oh infinite Holiness of life, I seek
to be reminded of Thee!” He would contemplate their failures and agonies
and despairs, and floods of pity would well up in him; and then he would
come back to Corydon, seeking to make these things real to her. But this
he could never do--he could never carry her with him, he could never
find anything with her but failure and disappointment.
This was, in part, the outrage that the creed-mongers had done to her;
with their dead formulas and their grotesque legends and their stupid
bigotries they had sullied and defaced all the symbols of religion--they
had made a noble temple into a sepulchre of dead bones. They had taken
her by force, when she was a child, and dragged her into it, and filled
her with terror and loathing. To abandon the language of metaphor, they
had sent her to a Protestant-Episcopal Sunday-school, where a vinegary
spinster had taught her the catechism and the ten commandments. And so
forever after the whole content of Christianity was a thing alien and
hateful to her.
But also, in their disharmony was something even more fundamental.
Corydon’s emotions did not come in the same way as her husband’s. With
her a joy had to be a spontaneous thing; there could be no reasoning
about it, and it was not the product nor the occasion of any act
of will. In fact, if anyone were to say to Corydon, “Come, let us
experience a certain emotion”--then straightway it would become certain
that she might experience any emotion in the world, save only that one.
Thyrsis told himself that he was to blame for this having destroyed her
spontaneity in the very beginning But how was he to have known that,
understanding as he did no temperament but his own, being powerless to
handle any tools but his own? The process of his soul’s life was to tell
himself all his vices over; and so he would become filled with hatred of
himself, and would forthwith evolve into something different. But with
Corydon, this method produced, not rage and resolution, but only black
despair. The process of Corydon’s soul-life was that some one else
should come to her, and tell her that she was radiant and exquisite;
and straightway she would become these things, and yet more of them; and
until such a person came to her, all her soul’s life stood still.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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