Now, I don’t know what you will think about this letter--and I don’t care. It is here--and you must take it. It does not come to you for criticism, any more than it would come for criticism to the world. It will rule the world. If I marry you I must live all my soul before you, and you must share it; if you think you can do this without first having suffered, having first torn loose your own crushed self, you are mistaken. But remember this--I shall demand from you just as much fire as I give; you may say you _cannot_, you may weep and say you cannot--I will gnash my teeth at you and say you _must_. Perhaps I’m a fool to think I can do this. At any rate, I don’t want to do anything else; I am a fool to think of doing anything else, and you to let me. I _cannot_ be false to my art without having a reaction of disgust, and you cannot marry me, unless you understand that. When I sat down to this letter I called myself mad for trying to tie my life to yours. Now I am interested in you again. You may wish to make this cast still; and oh, of course I shall drop back as usual, and you’ll be happy, and I’ll be your “Romeo”! _Ugh_--how I hated that letter! _“Romeo”_ indeed! Wouldn’t we have a fine sentimental time--you with your prettiest dress on, and I holding you in my arms and telling you how much I loved you! XXXIV MY DEAR THYRSIS: I shall be your wife. This thought takes hold of me firmly and calmly, and I have no tears, nor fright, nor uncertainty. I suffered, of course, while I read your letter, and my self-control toppled, but no “tears of despair” came into my eyes. I am not despairing--I shall be your wife, and I shall feel that for many years one of my greatest efforts will be to prevent you from becoming my “Romeo.” I am very weak and human, and you become that easily--do you know it? Rejoice, I have gained my self-control, and well, I am going to be your wife. Or else (it comes to me quite as a matter of course, without any feeling of it being unnatural or unusual) I shall not care to live. But after all, I do not fear that I shall die--I shall be your wife. You may even gainsay it, you may _even_ tell me I shall ruin your life, you may _even_ tell me that you refuse to take me--but sooner or later I shall be your wife. I say it with perfect certainty, and almost composure.