Manners and customs -- Fiction; Short stories, American
"Grand Hotel, Vevey, Switzerland." He repeated the words to
himself as he went back to his boarding-house, repeated them again
and again like a child going on an errand, "Grand Hotel, Vevey,
Switzerland," in a sort of panic lest he might forget them. He
tossed that night in his bed in a torment of indecision. Ought he
to write? Ought he to take the risk of a reply, courteous and
cold, that he felt himself without the courage to endure? Or was
it not better to put an end to it altogether and accept like a man
the inevitable "no" of her decision.
He rose at dawn, and, lighting the gas, went back to bed with what
paper he could lay his hands on. He had no pen, no ink, only the
stub of a pencil he carried in his pocket. How it flew over the
ragged sheets under the fierce spell of his determination! All the
misery and longing of months went out in that letter. Inarticulate
no longer, he found the expression of a passionate and despairing
eloquence. He could not live without her; he loved her; he had
always loved her; before he had been daunted by the inequality
between them, but now he must speak or die. At the end he asked
her, in set old-fashioned terms, whether or not she would marry
him.
He mailed it as it was, in odd sheets and under the cover of an
official envelope of the railroad company. He dropped it into the
box and walked away, wondering whether he wasn't the biggest fool
on earth and the most audacious, and yet stirred and trembling
with a strange satisfaction. After all he was a man; he had lived
as a man should, honorably and straightforwardly; he had the
right to ask such a question of any woman and the right to an
honest and considerate answer. Be it yes or no, he could reproach
himself no longer with perhaps having let his happiness slip past
him. The matter would be put beyond a doubt for ever, and if it
went against him, as in the bottom of his heart he felt assured it
would, he would try to bear it with what fortitude he might. She
would know that he loved her. There was always that to comfort
him. She would know that he loved her.
He got a postal guide and studied out the mails. He learned the
names of the various steamers, the date of their sailing and
arriving, the distance of Vevey from the sea. Were she to write on
the same day she received his letter, he might hear from her by
the Touraine. Were she to wait a day, her answer would be delayed
for the Normandie. All this, if the schedule was followed to the
letter and bad weather or accident did not intervene. The shipping
page of the New York Herald became the only part of it he read. He
scanned it daily with anxiety. Did it not tell him of his letter
speeding over seas? For him no news was good news, telling him
that all was well. He kept himself informed of the temperature of
Paris, the temperature of Nice, and worried over the floods in
Belgium. From the gloomy offices of the railroad he held all
Europe under the closest scrutiny.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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