He looked at her as she at there opposite him, so quiet and pale.
Spirit-like, she seemed to his fancy, in her white, thin dress: the
faint colourless evening light seeming rather to shadow than illumine
her slight girlish figure. A sort of shiver ran through him. She looked
so fragile, so gentle and subdued. What if this were the beginning of
the end? What if he were thus to lose her? Lose her, before indeed
he could call her his. It was all he could do to control himself, to
refrain from gathering this fair, clinging, child-like creature in his
arms, and telling her that there she should be held for ever.
But he kept firmly to his resolution. Something of what was in his heart
he would say; but not yet the whole.
“Miss Freer,” he began. “I wanted particularly to see you this evening,
for to-morrow again I am going away.”
She looked up at him gravely, but hardly seemed surprised.
“Then,” she said with a slight, the very slightest, quiver in her voice—
“then you have come to say good-bye.”
“Not for long, I hope,” he answered. “I am very loth to go, but I think
it is my best course. In a week or two I hope to be back again, and if I
succeed in what I am going to try for, I shall, you may be sure, make
no delay in finding my way here again. I cannot explain to you,
Miss Freer—Marion. I cannot explain to you at present my strange,
inconsistent conduct. But I could not bear to go away without asking
you not to think worse of me than you can help—to trust me for a little.
Just now I cannot defend myself, but I beseech you to think gently
of me. If indeed”—and here in spite of himself his voice grew husky—”
indeed, I am not mistaken in thinking you are likely to have me in
your thoughts at all. If I am mistaken I can only ask you to forgive my
presumption.
“You are not mistaken,” said Marion, gently, but very clearly. “You
are not mistaken, and now I am not ashamed to tell you so. I do not
altogether understand you, but I do not ask for any explanation till
you can give it me. And if that time should never come I will still not
blame you, and I will not, even then, feel ashamed of having told you
so. I know that in some way you are not your own master, not free to
act as you wish. But I would not feel towards you as I do, if I did not
believe you cared for one thing more than for me.”
“One thing?” asked Ralph.
“Yes,” she said. “Doing right, I mean.”
“Thank you,” he replied. “Thank you for all you have said. Above all,
for trusting me. You are right in what you suspect. I am indeed not
free, but it will not be my fault if I do not succeed in becoming so.
I may fail; in that case I must not ask you to remember me. But, in any
ease, Marion, my dear, true-hearted little friend, thank you for all you
have been to me; and, above all, for not, misjudging me now.”
He had risen and come nearer her. She too stood up, and did not withdraw
the hand he had taken. But suddenly she started back, snatching it away
almost violently.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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