Doubtless we all fall short in our relations taken to each other. Never
yet was the coffin lid closed on the dead face of a human being, but
what in the hearts of those who had taken their last look, pressed their
last kiss on the pale forehead—it might be the smooth, fair brow of a
child, it might be the withered, furrowed face of a world-weary man or
woman—there rose reproachful, sad-eyed ghosts of things they might have
done for the dead, or, more grievous still, others they would now give
much to have left undone.
But it is not at such times the thought of sharp, hasty words repented
of as soon as spoken, or of unkind deeds done in the heat of passion and
in saner moments atoned for with all the earnestness we can command; it
is not the recollection of such things as these that stings us the most
deeply. Far more terrible and overwhelming, when we gaze on the dead
face in its silent reproach, is the memory of deliberate unkindness—the
long course of studied, repellent coldness; wrongs fancied or real,
cherished and brooded over instead of forgiven and forgotten; duties
even, performed, while yet love was withheld.
CHAPTER VI. A CRISIS.
“I will be quiet and talk with you,
And reason why you are wrong:
You wanted my love—is that much true?
And no I did love, so I do:
What has come of it all along.”
R. BROWNING.
SO time went on, as it always does, through weal and woe, bright days
and dull. But this winter was weary work to Marion Baldwin. Worse, far
worse to bear, she constantly said to herself, than the previous one,
spent Mallingford at the Cross House. Then at least, though she had
much to endure, she had been free from the reproaches of her conscience,
which now, for all her endeavours to silence it, would yet at times
insist on being heard. Geoffrey, though she saw him but seldom in the
day, constantly haunted her thoughts. She fancied she perceived a change
in him. His manner was the same—perfectly gentle: but never more. But
the sorrow of his life was beginning to tell on him physically. He was
fast losing heart altogether, as day by day he became more convinced of
the hopelessness of ever attempting to win back the wife, who indeed had
never been his! Yet she was gentler, more cordial even than she had
been to him; always ready to agree to his wishes, much less irritable,
anxious evidently to do her “duty” by him. She thought sincerely enough,
that he was wearied of her, that it was too late to convince him that
in her loneliness she was fast learning to prize the love and devotion
which when hers, she had so rudely repulsed. For she was truly very
desolate at this time. She was pining for affection, yearning for
companionship.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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