As she turned her farewell look at the sands, where she had walked on
the evening before, she could not believe that one night--one short
night--had merely filled the interval. Why, it seemed as if half a
lifetime had been crowded into the space. Within those few hours how
much had happened! A grand dream of ambition scattered to the winds--a
dream that for many a day had filled her whole thoughts, working its way
into every crevice of her mind, and so colouring all her fancies that
she had not even a caprice untinged by it! To be the mistress of that
old feudal castle--to own its vast halls and its tall towers--to gaze on
the deep-bosomed woods that stretched for miles away, and feel that
they were her own! To know that at last she had gained a station and a
position that none dared dispute; “For,” as she would say, “the world
may say its worst of that old man’s folly; they may ridicule and deride
him. Of me they can but say that I played boldly, and won the great
stake I played for.” And now, the game was over, and she had lost!
“What a reverse was this! Yesterday, surrounded with wealth, cared for,
watched, courted, my slightest wish consulted, how fair the prospect
looked! And now, alone, and more friendless than the meanest around me!
And was the fault mine? How hard to tell. Was it that I gave him too
much of my confidence, or too little? Was my mistake to let him dwell
too much on the ways and opinions of that great world that he loved so
well? Should I not have tried rather to disparage than exalt it? And
should I not have sought to inspire him with a desire for a quiet,
tranquil existence--such a life as he might have dreamed to lead in
those deep old woods around his home? To the last,” cried she, to
herself--“to the last, I never could believe that he would consent to
lose me! Perhaps he never thought it would come to this. Perhaps he
fancied that I could not face that wretchedness from which I came.
Perhaps he might have thought that I myself was not one to relinquish
so good a game, and rise from the table at the first reverse. But what a
reverse! To be so near the winning-post, and yet lose the race! And how
will he bear it? Will he sink under the blow, or will that old pride of
blood of which he boasts so much come to his aid and carry him through
it? How I wish--oh, what would I not give to see him, as he tears open
my last letter, and sees all his presents returned to him! Ah, if he
could but feel with what a pang I parted with them! If he but knew the
tears the leave-taking cost me! If he but saw me as I took off that
necklace I was never to wear again, feeling like one who was laying
down her beauty to go forth into the world without a charm, he might,
perchance, hope to win me back again. And would that be possible? My
heart says no. My heart tells me, that before I can think of a fortune
to achieve, there is an insult to avenge. He slighted me--yes, he
slighted me! There was a price too high for all my love, and he let me
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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