Grown quite calm, fixed in mind, and immovable as the black sea cliffs of
his mother-land, he wrote steadily on until thought sped whirling forward
to a new aspect of his future: the last. He saw himself in eternity, tossed
to everlasting flames by his Maker, as a man tosses an empty match-box,
after it has done its work, into the fire. He put down his pen and pictured
it. The terrific force of that conviction cannot fairly be set before the
intelligence of average cultured people, because, whatever they profess to
believe in their hearts, the truth is that, even with forty-nine Christians
out of fifty, hell appears a mere vague conceit meaning nothing. They
affirm that they believe in eternal torment; they confess all humanity is
ripe for it; but their pulses are unquickened by the assertion or
admission; they do _not_ believe in it. Nor can educated man so
believe, for that way madness lies, and he who dwells long and closely upon
this unutterable dogma, anon himself feels the first flickering of the
undying flame. It scorches, not his body, but his brain, and a lunatic
asylum presently shuts him from a sane world unless medical aid quickly
brings healthy relief.
But with primitive opinions, narrow beliefs and narrow intelligences, hell
can be a live conceit enough. Among Luke Gospelers and kindred sects there
shall be found such genuine fear and such trembling as the church called
orthodox never knows; and to Noy the tremendous spectacle of his
everlasting punishment now made itself actively felt. A life beyond
death--a life to be spent in one of two places and to endure eternally was
to Joe as certain as the knowledge that he lived; and that his destination
must be determined by the work yet lying between him and death appeared
equally sure. Further, that work must be performed. There was no loophole
of escape from it, and had there been such he would have blocked it against
himself resolutely. Moreover, as the will and desire to do the deed was an
action as definite in the eye of Heaven as the accomplishment of the deed
itself, he reckoned himself already damned. He had long since counted the
whole cost, and now it only seemed more vast and awful than upon past
surveys by reason of its nearer approach. Now he speculated curiously upon
the meetings which must follow upon the world's dissolution; and wondered
if those who kill do ever meet and hold converse in hell-fire with their
victims. Then again he fell to writing, and presently completed letters to
his father, his mother, to Mrs. Tregenza and to Mary Chirgwin. These he
left in his apartment, and presently going out into the air, walked, with
no particular aim, until darkness fell. Hunger now prompted him, and he ate
a big meal at a restaurant and drank with his food a pint of ale.
Physically fortified, he returned to his lodging, left upon the table in
his solitary room the sum he would that night owe for the hire of the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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