Humorous stories; Washington (State) -- Fiction; Western stories
"So Uncle Henry hitched up his fat white horse to the buggy, and him and
Aunt Mollie drove round the country for three days, inviting folks to
their wedding. Aunt Mollie had the time of her life. It seemed as if
there wasn't no way whatever to get a sense of shame into that brazen old
hussy. And when this job was done she got busy with her trousseau, which
consisted of a bridge gown in blue organdie, and a pair of high white
shoes. She didn't know what a bridge gown was for, but she liked the
looks of one in a pattern book and sent down to Red Gap for Miss
Gunslaugh to bring up the stuff and make it. And she'd always had this
secret yearning for a pair of high white shoes; so they come up, too.
"Furthermore, Aunt Mollie had read the city paper for years and knew
about wedding breakfasts; so she was bound to have one of those. It
looked like a good time was going to be had by all present except the
lady who started it. Mrs. Julia was more malignantly scandalized by these
festal preparations than she had been by the original crime; but she had
to go through with it now.
"The date had been set and we was within three days of it when Aunt
Mollie postponed it three days more because Dave Pickens couldn't be
there until this later day. Mrs. Julia made a violent protest, because
she had made her plans to leave for larger fields of crime; but Aunt
Mollie was stubborn. She said Dave Pickens was one of the oldest
neighbours and she wouldn't have a wedding he couldn't attend; and
besides, marriage was a serious step and she wasn't going to be hurried
into it.
"So Mrs. Julia went to a lot of trouble about her ticket and
reservations, and stayed over. She was game enough not to run out
before Uncle Henry had made Aunt Mollie a lady. I was a good deal
puzzled about this postponement. Dave Pickens was nothing to postpone
anything for. There never was any date that he couldn't be anywhere--at
least, unless he had gone to work after losing his fiddle, which was
highly ridiculous.
"The date held this time. We get word the wedding is to be held in the
evening and that everyone must stay there overnight. This was surprising,
but simple after Aunt Mollie explained it. The guests, of course, had
to stay over for the wedding breakfast. Aunt Mollie had figured it all
out. A breakfast is something you eat in the morning, about six-thirty or
seven; so a wedding breakfast must be held the morning after the wedding.
You couldn't fool Aunt Mollie on social niceties.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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