He slept but little that night, and early the next morning he was up and
away by himself--paying but little heed to the rushing blue seas, and
the white gulls, and the sunshine touching the far sands on the shores
of Iona. He was in a fever of unrest. He knew not what to make of that
letter; it might mean anything or nothing. Alternations of wild hope and
cold despair succeeded each other. Surely it was unusual for a girl so
to reveal her innermost confidences to any one whom she considered a
stranger? To him alone had she told this story of her private troubles.
Was it not in effect asking for a sympathy which she could not hope for
from any other? Was it not establishing a certain secret between them?
Her own father did not know. Her sister was too young to be told.
Friends like Mrs. Ross could not understand why this young and beautiful
actress, the favorite of the public, could be dissatisfied with her lot.
It was to him alone she had appealed.
And then again he read the letter. The very frankness of it made him
fear. There was none of the shyness of a girl writing to one who might
be her lover. She might have written thus to one of her
school-companions. He eagerly searched it for some phrase of tenderer
meaning; but no there was a careless abandonment about it, as if she had
been talking without thinking of the person she addressed. She had even
joked about a young man falling in love with her. It was a matter of
perfect indifference to her. It was ludicrous as the shape of the lad's
collar was ludicrous, but of no more importance. And thus she receded
from his imagination again, and became a thing apart--the white slave
bound in those cruel chains that seemed to all but herself and him the
badges of triumph.
_Herself and him_--the conjunction set his heart throbbing quickly. He
eagerly bethought himself how this secret understanding could be
strengthened, if only he might see her and speak to her. He could tell
by her eyes what she meant, whatever her words might be. _If only he
could see her again:_ all his wild hopes, and fears, and doubts--all his
vague fancies and imaginings--began to narrow themselves down to this
one point; and this immediate desire became all-consuming. He grew sick
at heart when he looked round and considered how vain was the wish.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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