Rosalind spent a very restless night. She could not sleep, and the rain
coming down in torrents irritated her with its ceaseless pattering. She
thought, she could not tell why, of the poor people who were out in
it--travellers, wayfarers, poor vagrants, such as she had seen about the
country roads. What would the miserable creatures do in such a dismal
night? As she lay awake in the darkness she pictured them to herself,
drenched and cold, dragging along the muddy ways. No one in whom she was
interested was likely to be reduced to such misery, but she thought of
them, she could not tell why. She had knocked at Mrs. Trevanion’s door
as she came up-stairs, longing to go in to say another word, to give her
a kiss in her weariness. Rosalind had an ache and terrible question in
her heart which she had never been able to get rid of, notwithstanding
the closeness of the intercourse on the funeral day and the exuberant
profession of faith to which she had given vent: “You can do no wrong.”
Her heart had cried out this protestation of faith, but in her mind
there had been a terrible drawing back, like that of the wave which has
dashed brilliantly upon a stony beach only to groan and turn back again,
carrying everything with it. Through all this sleepless night she lay
balancing between these two sensations--the enthusiasm and the doubt.
Her mother! It seemed a sort of blasphemy to judge or question that
highest of all human authorities--that type and impersonation of all
that was best. And yet it would force itself upon her, in spite of all
her holding back. Where was she going that night? Supposing the former
events nothing, what, oh, what was the new-made widow going to do on the
eve of her husband’s funeral out in the park, all disguised and
concealed in the dusk? The more Rosalind denied her doubts expression
the more bitterly did that picture force itself upon her--the veiled,
muffled figure, the watching accomplice, and the door so stealthily
opened. Without practice and knowledge and experience, who could have
done all that? If Rosalind herself wanted to steal out quietly, a
hundred hinderances started up in her way. If she tried anything of the
kind she knew very well that every individual whom she wished to avoid
would meet her and find her out. It is so with the innocent, but with
those who are used to concealment, not so. These were the things that
said themselves in her mind without any consent of hers as she labored
through the night. And when the first faint sounds of waking began to be
audible, a distant door opening, an indication that some one was
stirring, Rosalind got up too, unable to bear it any longer. She sprang
out of bed and wrapped herself in her dressing-gown, resolved to go to
her mother’s room and disperse all those ghosts of night. How often had
she run there in childish troubles and shaken them off! That last court
of appeal had never been closed to her. A kiss, a touch of the soft hand
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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