moisture rise to his forehead in the conflict of his feelings; he could
not sit still and go for the hundredth time over this question. What did
it mean?
While he was walking up and down the library, unable to settle to any
examination of those calm business papers in which no agitation was, a
letter was brought to him. It bore the stamp of a post-town at a short
distance, and he turned it over listlessly enough, until it occurred to
him that the writing was that of his sister-in-law. Madam wrote as many
women write; there was nothing remarkable about her hand. John Trevanion
opened the letter with excitement. It was as follows:
“DEAR BROTHER JOHN,--You may not wish me to call you so now, but I
have always felt towards you so, and it still seems a link to those
I have left behind to have one relationship which I may claim.
There seems no reason why I should not write to you, or why I
should conceal from you where I am. You will not seek to bring me
back; I am safe enough in your hands. I am going out of England,
but if you want to communicate with me on any subject, the bankers
will always know where I am. It is, as I said, an additional
humiliation in my great distress that I must take the provision my
husband has made, and cannot fling it back to you indignantly as a
younger woman might. I am old enough to know, and bitterly
acknowledge, that I cannot hope to maintain myself; and I have
others dependent on me. This necessity will always make it easy
enough to find me, but I do not fear that you will wish to seek me
out or bring me back.
“I desire you to know that I understand my husband’s will better
than any one else, and perhaps, knowing his nature, blame him less
than you will be disposed to do. When he married me I was very
forlorn and miserable. I had a story, which is the saddest thing
that can be said of a woman. He was generous to me then in every
particular but one, but that one was very important. I had to make
a sacrifice, an unjustifiable sacrifice, and a promise which was
unnatural. Herein lies my fault. I have not kept that promise; I
could not; it was more than flesh and blood was capable of; and I
deceived him. I was always aware that if he discovered it he might,
and probably would, take summary vengeance. Now he has discovered
it, and he has done without ruth what he promised me to do if I
broke my word to him. I deserve it, you see, though not in the way
the vulgar will suppose. To them I cannot explain, and
circumstances, alas, make it impossible for me to be explicit even
with you. But perhaps, even in writing so much, you may be
delivered from some suspicions of me which, if I read you right,
you will be glad to find are not justified.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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