And at last it produced the worse
effect of making everything uncertain to her. Though she had been
supposed so self-sustained and strong in character, she was too natural
a woman not to be deeply dependent upon sympathy and the support of
understanding. When these failed she tottered and found no firm footing
anywhere. Perhaps she said to herself she was really foolish, as Edmund
thought, unreasonable, slow to comprehend all character that was unlike
her own. She was no longer young; perhaps the young were wiser, had
stronger lights; perhaps her beliefs, her prejudices, were things of the
past. All this she came to think with wondering pain when the support of
general faith and sympathy was withdrawn. It made her doubtful of
everything she had done or believed, timid to speak, watching the
countenance of the young man whose attitude towards her had changed all
the world to her. This was not part of the great calamity that had
befallen her. It was something additional, another blow; to be parted
from her children, to sustain the loss of all things dear to her, was
her terrible fate, a kind of vengeance for what was past; but that her
self-respect, her confidence, should thus be taken away from her was
another distinct and severe calamity. Sometimes the result was a mental
giddiness, a quiver about her of the atmosphere and all the solid
surroundings, as though there was (but in a manner unthought of by
Berkeley) nothing really existent but only in the thoughts of those who
beheld it. Perhaps her previous experiences had led her towards this;
for such had been the scope of all her husband’s addresses to her for
many a day. But she had not been utterly alone with him, she had felt
the strong support of other people’s faith and approval holding her up
and giving her strength. Now all these accessories had failed her. Her
world consisted of one soul, which had no faith in her; and thus, turned
back upon herself, she faltered in all her moral certainties, and began
to doubt whether she had ever been right, whether she had any power to
judge, or perception, or even feeling, whether she were not perhaps in
reality the conventional woman, foolish, inconsistent, pertinacious,
which she appeared through Edmund’s eyes.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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