"I do not believe that we can attain any joys we have not earned here,"
Percy replied. "I do not believe in sudden conversions, or death-bed
repentance, or being cleansed by blood. That faith gives a man too much
latitude altogether. Every violated principle, every indulged appetite,
every selfish or mean act or thought, I think will count against us on
the last day, no matter how we repent at death's door, or how we cry out
to be saved. Salvation depends upon ourselves, and the use we make of
our time on earth. We are shaping our spirits by our daily lives while
in the body. Just as we have shaped them--beautiful or hideous, they
will appear before God when our bodies fall away and leave them bare. We
cannot in a moment's space, expect any power to remove the scars we have
made by a life-time of wrongdoing. It would not be a just power if it
did. Why should the man who has lived in sin all his life be cleansed by
crying to Christ on his death-bed--and permitted to enter into just such
joys as the good man has earned by a life of noble deeds? I do not
believe in a creed like that."
Dolores put a soft hand over his mouth.
"Let us not talk religion," she said. "I fear you are a sad heretic. Yet
I agree with you that every violated principle counts against us. But we
need not fear death on that account, Percy. I am living up to my
highest convictions of right: are not you?"
Again Percy hesitated. Then he laid his hand on her golden head, and
looked gravely in her sweet eyes, as he answered:
"Sometimes, Dolores, I do not feel that I am. Sometimes the fears that
you may one day repent our independent course of action, together with
the fact that we are obliged to hide so much of our companionship from
the world, weighs upon me like a burden."
She caught his hand and held it against her cheek.
"It must not, it must not!" she cried. "I shall never repent these
perfect days with you--never. We have violated no principles. All laws
are made by man, and every nation has its own peculiar ideas and rules
upon this subject. I believe God blesses and approves of our
companionship. You tell me that your life is better for it, and I know I
am ten-fold more unselfish, and womanly, and sympathetic than ever
before. Surely, we have been a benefit and strength to each other. As
for secrecy, I am ready, and willing to meet the world at any time.
Percy,--proudly, as George Eliot met it. I am not ashamed of my love for
you, or my devotion to you. I have never asked for secrecy."
Percy flushed slightly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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