And so John Webster had, by his letter writing, done a strange and
false thing to himself and to the woman who was later to be his wife.
He had created a world of unrealities. Would he and the woman be able
to live together in that world?
VI
In the semi-darkness of the room, as the man talked to his daughter
trying to make her understand an intangible thing, the woman who had
been his wife for so many years and out of whose body had come the
younger woman who now sat close to her husband, began also to try
to understand. After a time, and being unable to stand longer, she
managed, without attracting the attention of the others, to slip to the
floor. She let her back slide down along the frame of the door and her
legs turned sideways under her heavy body. In the position into which
she had got she was uncomfortable and her knees hurt, but she did not
mind. There was in fact a kind of satisfaction to be got from physical
discomfort.
One had lived for so many years in a world that was now and before
one’s very eyes being destroyed. There was something wicked and ungodly
in this business of defining life too sharply. Certain things should
not be spoken of. One moved dimly through a dim world not asking too
many questions. If there was death in silence, then one accepted death.
What was the use of denial? One’s body got old and heavy. When one
sat on the floor the knees hurt. There was something unbearable in
this notion that a man, with whom one had lived so many years of life
and whom one had accepted quite definitely as a part of the machinery
of life, should suddenly become something else, should become this
terrible questioner, this raker-up of forgotten things.
If one lived behind a wall one preferred life behind the wall. Behind
the wall the light was dim and did not hurt the eyes. Memories were
shut out. The sounds of life grew faint and indistinct in the distance.
There was something barbaric and savage in all this business of
breaking down walls, making cracks and gaps in the wall of life.
There was a struggle going on within the woman, Mary Webster, also. A
queer sort of new life came and went in her eyes. Had a fourth person
at that moment come into the room he might have been more conscious of
her than of the others.
There was something terrible in the way her husband John Webster had
set the stage for the battle that was now to go on within her. The man
was after all a dramatist. The business of buying the picture of the
Virgin and the candles, the making of this little stage upon which a
drama was to be played out; there was an unconscious art expression in
all this.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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