There was a man who had come naked into her naked presence in the dusk
of the late afternoon of a day long ago. He had come in to her and had
done a thing to her. There had been a rape of the unconscious self.
That had been in time forgotten or forgiven, but now he was doing it
again. He was talking now. Of what was he talking? Were there not
things of which one never talked? For what purpose the deep well within
oneself except that it be a place into which one could put the things
that must not be talked about?
Now John Webster was trying to tell the whole story of his attempt at
love-making with the woman he had married.
The writing of letters containing the word “love,” had come to
something. After a time, and when he had sent off several such letters
written in the hotel writing-rooms, and just when he was beginning to
think he would never get an answer to one of them and might as well
give the whole matter up, an answer had come. Then there had burst from
him a flood of letters.
He was still then going about from town to town trying to sell washing
machines to merchants, but that only took a part of each day. There was
left the late afternoons, mornings when he arose early and sometimes
went for a walk along the streets of one of the towns before breakfast,
the long evenings and the Sundays.
He was full of unaccountable energy all through that time. It must have
been because he was in love. If one were not in love one could not
feel so alive. In the early mornings, and in the evenings as he walked
about, looking at houses and people, every one suddenly seemed close
to him. Men and women came out of houses and went along the streets,
factory whistles blew, men and boys went in and out at the doors of
factories.
He was standing by a tree on a strange street of a strange town in the
evening. In a nearby house a child cried and a woman’s voice talked to
it in low tones. His fingers gripped the bark of the tree. He wanted to
run into the house where the child was crying, to take the child out
of its mother’s arms and quiet it, to kiss the mother perhaps. What a
thing it would be if he could only go along a street shaking men by the
hand, putting his arms about the shoulders of young girls.
He had extravagant fancies. There might be a world in which there were
new and marvellous cities. He went along imagining such cities. For
one thing the doors to all the houses were wide open. Everything was
clean and neat. The sills to the doors of the houses had been washed.
He walked into one of the houses. Well, the people had gone out, but
on the chance some such fellow as himself would wander in they had set
out a little feast on a table in one of the rooms downstairs. There was
a loaf of white bread with a carving knife lying beside it so that one
could cut off slices, cold meats, little squares of cheese, a decanter
of wine.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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