What shall I talk about? My idea is this: to instruct the audience about Robert Fulton, and.... Tell me--was that his real name, or was it his nom de plume? However, never mind, it is not important--I can skip it, and the house will think I knew all about it, but forgot. Could you find out for me if he was one of the Signers of the Declaration, and which one? But if it is any trouble, let it alone, I can skip it. Was he out with Paul Jones? Will you ask Horace Porter? And ask him if he brought both of them home. These will be very interesting facts, if they can be established. But never mind, don't trouble Porter, I can establish them anyway. The way I look at it, they are historical gems--gems of the very first water. Well, that is my idea, as I have said: first, excite the audience with a spoonful of information about Fulton, then quiet down with a barrel of illustration drawn by memory from my books--and if you don't say anything the house will think they never heard of it before, because people don't really read your books, they only say they do, to keep you from feeling bad. Next, excite the house with another spoonful of Fultonian fact, then tranquilize them again with another barrel of illustration. And so on and so on, all through the evening; and if you are discreet and don't tell them the illustrations don't illustrate anything, they won't notice it and I will send them home as well-informed about Robert Fulton as I am myself. Don't be afraid; I know all about audiences, they believe everything you say, except when you are telling the truth. Truly yours, S. L. CLEMENS. P.S. Mark all the advertisements “Private and Confidential,” otherwise the people will not read them. M. T. DEAR MR. CLEMENS,--How long shall you talk? I ask in order that we may be able to say when carriages may be called. Very Truly yours, HUGH GORDON MILLER, Secretary. DEAR MR. MILLER,--I cannot say for sure. It is my custom to keep on talking till I get the audience cowed. Sometimes it takes an hour and fifteen minutes, sometimes I can do it in an hour. Sincerely yours, S. L. CLEMENS. Mem. My charge is 2 boxes free. Not the choicest--sell the choicest, and give me any 6-seat boxes you please. S. L. C. I want Fred Grant (in uniform) on the stage; also the rest of the officials of the Association; also other distinguished people--all the attractions we can get. Also, a seat for Mr. Albert Bigelow Paine, who may be useful to me if he is near me and on the front. S. L. C.