"Remember," she said--and it sounded as if she had suddenly acquired a
new voice--"I don't care about letters. And I can't write letters."
"You don't wish me to write to you?" He had also a new voice.
She did not answer, nor did she look at him.
"But if anything should happen--?" said he.
"Well, of course then--! But you forget that you have Mrs. Dawes."
And as if this were not enough, she added: "I don't imagine that you,
either, are a good letter-writer, Jörgen. So there will be nothing
lost."
He could have struck her.
As ill luck would have it, the surly old Lapland dog was at the
landing-place with his master. No sooner did he catch sight of Jörgen
than he began to bark. All his master's attempts to silence him were in
vain.
Every one turned to look at the new-comers. Jörgen had at once picked up
a small stone, and Mary had asked him in a low voice not to throw it.
The steamer was now lying to; it diverted the attention of all,
including the dog. For this moment Jörgen had been waiting; he flung the
stone with all his might, and a loud howl arose. He immediately turned
to Mary, swept off his hat with his best smile, and thanked her for the
hospitality shown him.
For the sake of appearances she could not but remain on the pier until
the steamer went; she was even obliged to wave her parasol once or
twice. Smiling and triumphant, Jörgen returned sweeping bows from the
steamer's deck.
How furious she was! But he was hardly less so.
* * * * *
"He, who should have thrown himself in the dust before me, and kissed
the hem of my dress!" This was Mary's feeling.
She had had a dawning suspicion last night of a want of delicacy in her
lover. He would not let her go. She had had to resort to artifice, and
had been obliged to lock her door. But she had explained his behaviour
to herself as an unfortunate result of those years of longing which had
turned his passion into a morbid possession.
Now uncertainty was no longer possible! Only an "experienced hand" could
behave like this. She had been deceived! The very best that was in her,
fostered and guarded by her noblest instincts, had been led loathsomely
astray.
With this thought she wrestled and strove all day long. She called
herself betrayed, dishonoured. At first she thrust the blame away from
herself. Then she took it all upon herself, and pronounced herself
unworthy to live. She did nothing but make mistakes; she was her own
betrayer! One hour she said to herself: "Violence was done me, although
I gave myself to him voluntarily!" The next she said: "All this has its
beginning farther back, and I cannot unravel it."
What a blessing that her own room remained undefiled! The one next it
she would never enter again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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