Christian fiction; Scotland -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
That, too, was silent. No carriage rolled along the center, no
footfarer walked on the side. Not a light shone from window or door,
save what they gave back of the yellow light of the moon. She was
lost--lost utterly, with an eternal loss. She knew nothing of the
place, had nowhere to go, nowhere she wanted to go, had not a thought
to tell her what question to ask, if she met a living soul. But living
soul there could be none to meet. She had nor home, nor direction, nor
desire; she knew of nothing that she had lost, nor of anything she
wished to gain; she had nothing left but the sense that she was empty,
that she needed some goal, and had none. She sat down upon a stone
between the wide street and the wide pavement, and saw the moon shining
gray upon the stone houses. It was all deadness.
Presently, from somewhere in the moonlight, appeared, walking up to
her, where she sat in eternal listlessness, the one only brother she
had ever had. She had lost him years and years before, and now she saw
him; he was there, and she knew him. But not a throb went through her
heart. He came to her side, and she gave him no greeting. "Why should I
heed him?" she said to herself. "He is dead. I am only in a dream. This
is not he; it is but his pitiful phantom that comes wandering hither--a
ghost without a heart, made out of the moonlight. It is nothing. I am
nothing. I am lost. Everything is an empty dream of loss. I know it,
and there is no waking. If there were, surely the sight of him would
give me some shimmer of delight. The old time was but a thicker dream,
and this is truer because more shadowy." And, the form still standing
by her, she felt it was ages away; she was divided from it by a gulf of
very nothingness. Her only life was, that she was lost. Her whole
consciousness was merest, all but abstract, loss.
Then came the form of her mother, and bent over that of her brother
from behind. "Another ghost of a ghost! another shadow of a phantom!"
she said to herself. "She is nothing to me. If I speak to her, she is
not there. Shall I pour out my soul into the ear of a mist, a fume from
my own brain? Oh, cold creatures, ye are not what ye seem, and I will
none of you!"
With that, came her father, and stood beside the others, gazing upon
her with still, cold eyes, expressing only a pale quiet. She bowed her
face on her hands, and would not regard him. Even if he were alive, her
heart was past being moved. It was settled into stone. The universe was
sunk in one of the dreams that haunt the sleep of death; and, if these
were ghosts at all, they were ghosts walking in their sleep.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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