also of certain small vices which he magnified merely for the sake of
talking, such as smoking, an odd glass of porter and the shilling
which, now and again, he had ventured upon a race horse.
Mary listened to him for a while with angry intentness. The fact that
she was the subject of his extraordinary discourse quickened at the
first all her apprehensions. Had the matter been less important she
would have been glad to look at herself in this strange position, and
to savor, with as much detachment as was possible, the whole spirit of
the adventure. But when she heard him, as she put it, "telling on
her," laying bare to her mother all the walks they had taken together,
visits to restaurants and rambles through the streets and the parks,
what he had said to her on this occasion and on that, and her remarks
on such and such a matter, she could not visualize him save as a
malignant and uncultivated person; and when he tacitly suggested that
she was as eager for matrimony as he was, and so put upon her the
horrible onus of rejecting him before a second person, she closed her
mind and her ears against him. She refused to listen, although her
perceptions admitted the trend of his speech. His words droned heavily
and monotonously to her as through dull banks of fog. She made up her
mind that if she were asked any questions by either of them she would
not reply, and that she would not look at either of them, and then she
thought that she would snap and stamp her feet and say that she hated
him, that he had looked down on her because she worked for his aunt,
that he had meanly been ashamed of and cut her because she was poor,
that he had been going with another girl all the time he was going
with her and that he only pursued her in order to annoy her, that she
didn't love him, that she didn't even like him, that, in fact, she
disliked him heartily. She wished to say all these things in one
whirling outcry, but feared that before she had rightly begun she might
become abashed, or, worse, might burst into tears and lose all the
dignity which she meant to preserve in his presence for the purpose of
showing to him in the best light exactly what he was losing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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