SIR P. CULLEN. My dear B. B., this is not Dubedat's funeral. Do you think Bernard Shaw will like the new epilogue? BERNARD SHAW. He will; I'm shaw. L. C. C. INSPECTOR. Excuse me, is Mr. Vedrenne here? Ah, yes! There is Mr. Vedrenne. Will you kindly answer some of my questions? Is that door on the left a real door? In case of fire I cannot allow property doors; the actors might be seized with stage fright, and they must have, as Sir B. B. would say, 'their exits and their entrances.' VEDRENNE. Everything at the Court Theatre, my dear sir, is real. Ask Mr. Franks, he will tell you the door is not even a jar. The art, the acting, the plays, even the audience is real, except a few dramatic critics I cannot exclude. I admit the audience looks improbable at matinees; _out of Court_ is a truth in art of which we are only dimly beginning to understand the significance. [_Noise outside_. _Enter_ JENNIFER, _dressed in deep mourning_. JENNIFER (_with a bright smile_). Mr. Vedrenne, I have just had a telegram saying that my husband, Leo, was killed in his motor after leaving me at the Synagogue. His last words were: 'Jennifer, promise me that you will wear mourning if I die, merely to mark the difference between Dubedat and myself.' This afternoon I am going to marry Blenkinsop. How are the sales going? VEDRENNE. Well, I think we might have the catechism or the churching of heroines. What is your name? JENNIFER. Jennifer. VEDRENNE. Where did you get that name? JENNIFER. From Bernard Shaw in my baptism. MR. REDFORD (_Licenser of Plays_). Mr. Shaw, I really must point out that this passage comes from the Anglican Prayer-book. Are you aware of that? I have a suggestion of my own for ending the play. BERNARD SHAW. Oh, shut up! Let us have my ten commandments. GRANVILLE BARKER. My dear Shaw, you sent them to Wells for revision and he lost them in the Tube. I can remember the first one, 'Maude spake these words and said: "Thou shalt have none other Shaws but me."' BERNARD SHAW. How careless of Wells. I remember the second: 'Do not indulge in craven imitation.' W. L. COURTNEY. The third commandment runs: 'Thou shalt not covet George Alexander.' GRANVILLE BARKER. One of them runs: 'Do not commit yourself to Beerbohm Tree, though his is His Majesty's . . . ' But we shall never get them right. We must offer a reward for their recovery. I vote that Walkley now says the _credo_. That, I think, expresses every one's sentiment. A. B. WALKLEY (_reluctantly_). I believe in Bernard Shaw, in Granville Barker, and (_heartily_) in _The Times_. WILLIAM ARCHER. Plaudite, missa est. (1907.) CURTAIN. THE JADED INTELLECTUALS. A DIALOGUE. _Scene: The Smoking-room of the Elivas Club_. _Characters_: LAUDATOR TEMPOREYS, _aetat. 54, a distinguished literary critic, and_ LUKE CULLUS, _a rich connoisseur of art and life. They are not smoking nor drinking spirits. One is sipping barley water, the other Vichy_.