"Like you, I have seen before me a multitude of openings, all leading,
through ways of self-sacrifice, to the sure finding of one's self. The
more love you give, the more you have; it is, in a way, like the old
legend of the man who found he could take to Heaven with him only those
things which he had given away.
"All around me I see the pitiful mistakes that masquerade as
marriage--women who have no virtues save one tied like millstones to
some of earth's noblemen; great-hearted and great-souled women mated
with clods. I see people insanely jealous of one another, suspicious,
fault-finding, malicious; covertly sending barbed shafts to one another
through the medium of general conversation. As if love were ever to be
held captive, or be won by cords and chains! As if the freest thing on
earth would for a moment enter into bondage, or minister unto
selfishness when it is, of itself, unselfishness! Passion-slaved and
self-bound, they never see beyond their own horizon, nor guess that the
great truths of life and love lie just beyond their reach.
[Sidenote: A Plea for Rosemary]
"Looking back, I can see one thing that you may have missed. This love
of ours has brought joy to you and to me, and, indirectly, happiness to
my husband. It has not affected your mother, one way or another, but it
has hurt Rosemary--taken away from her the one thing that made her
sordid life worth while.
"Dear, can't you see your way clear to make it right with her--to give
back at least as much as she had before I came into your life? You will
take nothing from me by doing so, for my place with you is secure and
beyond the reach of change, as you know yours is with me.
"But, just because the full moon has risen upon midnight, shall we
refuse to look at the stars? Believe me, all the lesser loves have
their rightful place, which should be more definitely assured because of
the greater light.
[Sidenote: Rosemary's Need]
"I am pleading not only for her, but for you. Tell her everything, if
you choose, or if you feel that you must in order to be honest. I am
sure you can make her understand.
"The door of the House of Life is open for you and for me, but it is
closed against her. It is in your power at least to set it ajar for her;
to admit her, too, into full fellowship through striving and through
love.
"She will help you with your vineyard people, and, perhaps, come to
peace that way. Her unhappy face as I saw it last haunts me--I cannot
help feeling that I am in some way responsible. She needs you and what
you can give her, more, perhaps, than I, who shall never have it again.
"Never! The word, as I write it, tolls through my consciousness like a
funeral knell. Never to see your face again, or to touch your hand, or
to hear you say you love me. Never to feel your arms holding me close,
your heart beating against mine, never to thrill with ecstasy in every
fibre of me in answer to your kiss.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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