May Fair : $b being an entertainment purporting to reveal to gentlefolk the real state of affairs existing in the very heart of London during the fifteenth and sixteenth years of the reign of His Majesty King George the Fifth: together with suitable reflections on the last follies, misadventures and galanteries of these charming peopleArlen, Michael
History
May Fair : $b being an entertainment purporting to reveal to gentlefolk the real state of affairs existing in the very heart of London during the fifteenth and sixteenth years of the reign of His Majesty King George the Fifth: together with suitable reflections on the last follies, misadventures and galanteries of these charming people
Arlen, Michael
Great Britain -- History -- George V, 1910-1936 -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
Once in the house, Mr. Trevor stopped spellbound. There were voices,
there was laughter--from the room of the two corpses!
“They’re laughing at us!” said Mr. Trevor.
“Who wouldn’t!” laughed Beau Maturin, and, opening the door, said: “Good
morning.”
“You’ve said it,” said the policeman. “Haw-haw!”
“You’ll have some breakfast?” asked the woman with the revolvers.
“Please do!” said Miss Samsonoff.
“You _ought_ to be hungry,” said the taxi-driver with the Homburg hat of
green plush.
“Look here!” gasped Mr. Trevor. “What the blazes----”
“Haw-haw!” laughed the policeman. “’Ave a bit of vealanam-pie?”
“Now, Ted, don’t be rude to the gentlemen!” said the woman with the
revolvers.
“Quite right, mother,” said Miss Samsonoff. “We owe these gentlemen an
explanation and an apology----”
“And if they don’t take it we _are_ in the soup!” miserably said the
man in the Homburg hat of green plush.
“Now, you two, go and get cups and plates for the two gentlemen,” said
the woman with the revolvers to the two corpses in dress-clothes.
“Listen, please,” Miss Samsonoff gravely addressed Mr. Maturin, “my name
isn’t Samsonoff at all but Kettlewell, and that’s my mother and these
are my four brothers----”
“How do you do?” said Mr. Maturin, absently drinking the policeman’s
coffee, but Mr. Trevor is glad that no one heard what he said.
“You see,” said Miss Kettlewell, and she was shy and beautiful, “we are
The Kettlewell Film Company, just us; but of course we haven’t got a lot
of money----”
“A ‘lot’ is good!” said the policeman.
“My brother there,” and Miss Kettlewell pointed to the wretched man with
the Homburg hat of green plush, “was the director of an American company
in Los Angeles, but he got the sack lately and so we thought we would
make some films on our own. You see, we are such a large family! And the
recent murders gave us a really brilliant idea for a film called ‘The
Ghoul of Golders Green,’ which, thanks to you two gentlemen, we have
completed to-night. Oh, I do hope it will be a success, especially as
you have been kind enough to help us in our predicament, for we hadn’t
any money to engage actors--and we did so need two gentlemen, just like
you, who really looked the part, didn’t we, mother?”
“But, my dear child,” cried Beau Maturin, “I’m afraid your film can’t
have come out very well. Trevor and I will look perfectly ghastly, as
we neither of us had any make-up on.”
“But it’s that kind of film!” smiled Miss Kettlewell. “You see, you and
your friend are supposed to be corpses who by some powerful psychic
agency are digging your own graves---- Heavens, what’s that!”
There, at the open door, stood an apparition with a dreadful face. He
appeared, says Mr. Trevor, to have some difficulty in choosing among the
words that his state of mind was suggesting to him.
“And me?” gasped the taxi-driver hoarsely. “Wot abaht me?
‘Angingabahtallnight! ‘Oo’s going to pay me, that’s wot I want to know?
There’s four quid and more on that clock----”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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