It was here the two were walking on the eve of Mr. Heriot’s funeral. The
gate of the old house was still standing, ornamented with the cognizance
of the Heriots, at the end of the avenue, and here there was still an
exit upon the cliff; close to it was the door of the kitchen-garden. I
explain this to show how the circumstances, which were about to happen,
came to pass. Marjory had walked up and down the avenue three or four
times--leaning on Fanshawe’s arm. It had become natural to accept his
arm, to take both physical and moral support from him. I do not know
that either of them had ever gone further in their imaginations;
Marjory, at least, had not. She had no time for any thoughts about
herself. Ever since she had known Fanshawe, she had been absorbed in
matters of a very different kind. She took his support, his kindness,
his sympathy, almost, I fear, as a matter of course, forgetting that she
had no right to it; not entering into the question at all; accepting the
help which was at hand without questioning what it was.
And Fanshawe, for his part, thought badly of himself when other thoughts
would gleam across his mind by turns. He shook himself, as it were, and
was angry, asking himself, “Is this the time?--am I the sort of fellow?”
He was as far from contemplating marriage as a possibility as any
good-for-nothing could be. Marriage! out of Marjory’s presence how he
would have laughed at the idea! But still there had been gleams of light
which had passed across him, fitful glimpses of meaning, even of a kind
of purpose, repressed instantly by a conviction of their utter vanity
and foolishness. Sometimes, unawares, when he was thinking of other
things, some sudden plan would come into his head, some vision would
flit before his eyes; but they were always involuntary. He had not even
recognised them so far as to struggle against them. They were stray
visitants that came upon him without a moment’s notice unawares, and
that were driven away as intruders, without a moment’s indulgence. But
sometimes along with these visions, strange words would throw themselves
in his way, and claim so urgently to be spoken, that it was very hard to
resist them.
This was one of those occasions. In answer to her languid words, “You
know I cannot talk,” some devil or other (he thought) thrust a
passionate, too expressive answer into his mind. And he had, so to
speak, to stoop and pick it up, and throw it from him like a firebrand,
before he could continue the calm conversation in which they had been
engaged.
“You are getting tired, I think,” he said, anxiously. “Come and sit down
here.”
“I am not tired,” said Marjory. “It is wrong to think that because the
mind is worn out the body must be tired too. Does it not sometimes seem
all the stronger? I think it would be best to be ill; but as I am not
ill, what can I do? I can’t pretend. I am not tired, except of doing
nothing, of being cooped up, of being good for nothing--”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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