She hid her burning face in her hands. She fell a-weeping; tears more
poignant and real than any she had yet shed for Tom. Her mind turned
against itself, lost in that misery of moral confusion which makes the
problem of life so doubly bitter. She dared not say to herself that the
least honourable explanation was the least terrible; but her thoughts
went on in spite of her, against her will, shaping before her a picture
of what might have been. This peasant woman in Pitcomlie, mistress of
everything, the successor of all the Heriot ladies, filling her own
mother’s place, Marjory’s sister, Milly’s guardian placed on the same
level with them, almost superior to them--good heavens! She disowned the
thoughts that thus struggled in her. She tried to drive them from her
mind, to ignore them, to introduce other feelings in their place, and
cried, and hid her face and could not. God had stepped in and preserved
the house from this degradation; He had saved them perhaps at the last
moment. And things being as they were, and poor Tom doomed anyhow, God
be thanked, might not she say it? deep down where nobody could hear, in
the depths of her heart.
Marjory was breathless after this battle with her thoughts; she dragged
herself out of it she scarcely knew how, frightened to think what she
had been thinking, scared as a man is who has travelled in the dark,
when morning shows him the precipices he has passed--or like a drowning
man who has been struggling with the angry waves, she crept forth upon
dry land, and lay there exhausted, trying not to think, hearing the
great searollers break beneath, too low to harm her. It seemed to her
that she had passed through a terrible conflict, and it made her heart
sick to think that this perhaps was the secret which Tom had intended to
tell her. Perhaps he had meant to commend the girl to her care, to claim
her affection and sympathy; and for the moment she felt fiercely glad
that he had not done so, that she was bound by no sort of visible or
invisible tie to this unknown Isabell. Yes, she was glad he had not
lived to tell that secret, glad he had been stopped from disgracing the
family. It hardly seemed to her, for the moment, that the exemption of
the house from so great a shame and injury by Tom’s death, was too great
a thing to have been done by Providence for the sake of the Heriots. She
seemed no longer sorry, no longer a mourner, but glad and comforted to
think that God had stepped in and stopped it, perhaps, at the last
moment when there was no time to lose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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