McClure's Magazine, Vol. XXXI, No. 4, August 1908Various
History
McClure's Magazine, Vol. XXXI, No. 4, August 1908
Various
American literature -- Periodicals; Literature -- Periodicals
"I--I--left--a book in--my room," answers Felicia, and she pushes past
you and goes out of the door, and, though you don't know it at the
time, she is as bewildered as you are.
You walk up and down the floor two or three times, you open the door
and shut it, finally you can't stand it any longer, you must find out
how Felicia does. You go up to your room, and there on the bed is what
is left of the gallant, saucy Felicia you know. It is a crumpled
little heap, and you can see only a knot of disordered hair and
shaking shoulders, and as if this wasn't bad enough, there is added
the sound of muffled sobs. You go up to her and put a beseeching hand
on her shoulder.
"Felicia," you implore. Then from the depths of the pillow come the
broken words:
"Go--away--go--away--and--leave--me--alone." Nor is the tone all
anguish, anger finds its place there as well, and this bewilders you
still more. You could not know, of course, that Felicia is angry at
you for having seen her cry.
"I can't go away and leave you like this," you say.
The shoulders shake still harder, the sobs are louder, for sympathy is
hard to bear in such moments of humiliation--but this too you find out
later.
You walk across the room, helplessly, hopelessly. You murmur forth
apologies, though you don't know for what you are apologizing, and
words of endearment and of sympathy, though you can't tell what it is
you are sympathetic about. You would do anything, abase yourself to
any degree, to stop the noise of sobbing which is slowly sapping your
manhood.
You stand looking down on poor Felicia--what _is_ the matter with her?
What has happened?
"I don't believe you can be well, my darling," you are fool enough to
say. Inside you your other self is grumbling:
"Well, I'm hanged if _I_ understand women!"
If only she would stop; she must have been crying ten minutes, and you
have aged years. If only you understood why, how much easier it would
be! The only thing you do understand is that whatever you say and
whatever you do, or whether it's sympathy or silence, it's wrong.
There is a knock on the door.
"Dinner is served," says a voice, and you (feeling like a quitter, but
you can't stand the sight of her any longer) say:
"Felicia, I'm going down. I don't seem to be doing you any good----"
Felicia raises her head.
"You're not!" says she spitefully. They're the first words she has
spoken since she pleaded with you in agonized tones to "let her be."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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