Meadow Grass: Tales of New England LifeBrown, Alice
General
Meadow Grass: Tales of New England Life
Brown, Alice
New England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
But the footfalls ceased, and the garden darkened by delicate yet swift
degrees; a cloud had gone over the moon, fleecy, silver-edged, but
still a cloud. The waning of the light seemed to her significant; she
feared lest some bitter change might befall the moment; and went in,
bolting the door behind her. Once within her own little bedroom, she
loosened her hair, and moved about aimlessly, for a time, careless of
sleep, because it seemed so far. Then a sudden resolve nerved her, and
she stole back again to the front door, and opened it. The night was
blossoming there, glowing now, abundant. It was so rich, so full! The
moonlight here, and star upon star above, hidden not by clouds but by
the light! Need she waste this one night out of all her unregarded
life? She stepped forth among the flower-beds, stooping, in a
passionate fervor, to the blossoms she could reach; but, coming back to
the southernwood, she took it in her arms. She laid her face upon it,
and crushed the soft leaves against her cheeks. It made all the world
smell of its own balm and dew. The fragrance and beauty of the time
passed into her soul, and awakened corners there all unused to such
sweet incense. She was drunken with the wine that is not of grapes. She
could not have found words for the passion that possessed her, though
she hugged it to her heart like another self; but it was elemental,
springing from founts deeper than those of life and death. God made it,
and, like all His making, it was divine. She sat there, the
southernwood still gathered into her arms, and at last emotion stilled
itself, and passed into thought; a wild temptation rose, and with its
first whisper drove a hot flush into her cheeks, and branded it there.
Love! she had never named the name in its first natal significance. She
had scarcely read it; for romance, even in books, had passed her by.
But love! she knew it as the insect knows how to spread his new
sun-dried wings in the air for which he was create. Sitting there, in a
happy drowse, she thought it all out. She was old, plain, unsought; the
man she exalted was the flower of his kind. He would never look on her
as if she might touch the hem of wifehood's mantle; so there would be
no shame in choosing him. Just to herself, she might name the Great
Name. He would not know. Only her own soul would know, and God who gave
it, and sent it forth fitted with delicate, reaching tentacles to touch
the rock set there to wound them. She began to feel blindly that God
was not alone the keeper of eternal Sabbaths, but the germinant heat at
the heart of the world. If she were a young girl, like Phoebe, there
would be shame. Even a thought of him would be a stretching forth her
hand to touch him, saying, "Look at me! I am here!" but for her it was
quite different. It would be like a dream, some grandmother dreamed in
the sun, of rosy youth and the things that never came to pass. No one
would be harmed, and the sleeper would have garnered one hour's joy
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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