Here he practised for a few years regularly, and with very fair success,
but his professional career was destined to be short and broken, and
need not detain us. It is his home life with which we are concerned, and
it was the pressure of what he looked upon as a higher home duty which
decided him, after a struggle, to abandon his profession. He was married
in the autumn of 1852, and, in the course of a few years, the health
of his wife’s mother by adoption made it desirable that they should be
always with her, and that she should spend the winter months abroad.
When it became clear that this was necessary, he accepted it, and made
the best of it; though I find abundant traces in his correspondence of
the effort which it required to do so. Thus he writes from Pau, the
place fixed upon for their foreign winter residence, “I always found
that changing one’s residence and plans gave one a fit of the blues for
a time, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.” And again; “The business
of life is to be bored in all directions. You must not imagine, however,
that I am ill, or out of spirits. I have no right to be either, and
won’t be, please God.” But the necessary want of regular employment, the
sinking into what is called “an idle man,” and abandoning all active
part in “the struggle for existence,” was no small trial to one who
held that the “full employment of all powers, physical, mental, and
spiritual, is the true secret of happiness, so that no time may be left
for morbid self-analysis.” You are all perhaps too young to understand
this, and probably, when you think about such matters at all, imagine
that the happiest life must be one in which you would only have to
amuse yourselves. It may, I hope, shake any such belief to find that
the period in my brother’s life in which he was thus thrown on his own
resources, and had the most complete liberty to follow his own fancies,
was just that in which you may find traces of _ennui_, and a tendency to
be dissatisfied with the daily task of getting through time.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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