Autobiographical fiction; Bildungsromans; England -- Fiction; Feminist fiction; Love stories; Sex role -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
'I cannot answer your question--Pain me not by its
repetition; neither seek to ensnare me to the disclosure.
Unkindly, severely, as I have been treated, I will not
risque, even, the possibility of injuring the man, whom I
have so tenderly loved, in the esteem of any one. Were I to
name him, you know him not; you could not judge of his
qualities. He is not "a model of excellence." I perceive it,
with pain--and if obliged to retract my judgment on some
parts of his character--I retract it with agonizing
reluctance! But I could trace the sources of his errors, and
candour and self-abasement imperiously compel me to a mild
judgment, to stifle the petulant suggestions of a wounded
spirit.
'Ought not our principles, my friend, to soften the asperity
of our censures?--Could I have won him to my arms, I thought
I could soften, and even elevate, his mind--a mind, in which
I still perceive a great proportion of good. I weep for him,
as well as for myself. He will, one day, know my value,
and feel my loss. Still, I am sensible, that, by my
extravagance, I have given a great deal of vexation
(possibly some degradation), to a being, whom I had no right
to persecute, or to compel to chuse happiness through a
medium of my creation. I cannot exactly tell the extent of
the injury I may have done him. A long train of consequences
succeed, even, our most indifferent actions.--Strong
energies, though they answer not the end proposed, must yet
produce correspondent effects. Morals and mechanics are here
analogous. No longer, then, distress me by the repetition of
a question I ought not to answer. I am content to be the
victim--Oh! may I be the only victim--of my folly!
'One more observation allow me to make, before I conclude.
That we can "admire, esteem, and love," an individual--(for
love in the abstract, loving mankind collectively, conveys
to me no idea)--which must be, in fact, depending upon that
individual for a large share of our felicity, and not lament
his loss, in proportion to our apprehension of his worth,
appears to me a proposition, involving in itself an
absurdity; therefore demonstrably false.
'Let me, my friend, see you ere long--your remonstrance has
affected me--save me from myself!'
TO THE SAME.
[In continuation.]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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