Memoirs of Miss Sidney Biddulph: Extracted from her own Journal, and now first publishedSheridan, Frances Chamberlaine
General
Memoirs of Miss Sidney Biddulph: Extracted from her own Journal, and now first published
Sheridan, Frances Chamberlaine
English fiction -- 18th century
You do well, Madam, you do well to anticipate my suit; and, with
so much cruel eloquence, to bid me despair. Yes, I see Miss
Burchell has won you to her party; but what have I done to merit
such a malevolent fate, that you, you of all created beings,
should become _her_ advocate? I little thought Mrs Arnold would
make such a barbarous use of her power. Tell me, thou dear tyrant,
how have I deserved this? Would it not have been kinder to have
said at once, Faulkland, do not hope; I never will be yours; I
hate, I despise you, and leave you to your fate? Oh! no; you are
artful in your cruelty; you would prevent even my wishes, and cut
off my hopes in their blossom, before they dare to unfold
themselves to you.
But you have furnished me with weapons against yourself, and I
will use them with as little mercy as you have shewn to me. If
four years are past since I won Miss Burchell's affections, is it
not also _as_ long that I have loved you with an ardor--Oh thou
insensible! Were you not mine by your own consent, with your
mother's approbation? Was not the day, the hour fixed, that I was
to have led you to the altar? Miss Burchell's hopes were never
raised to such a pitch as mine, when an avenging fiend snatched
the promised blessing from my grasp. Think what were then my
sufferings. I saw you afterwards in the arms of another. Miss
Burchell never suffered _such_ torture. Had I seen you _happy_, I
might have been consoled. If Miss Burchell loved me as I have
loved you, she would rejoice in the prospect of my felicity. I
should have done so in your's, Heaven is my witness! Had you been
happy, I should not have thought myself miserable, though you were
lost to my hopes.
Why do you compel me to urge an ungrateful truth in regard to Miss
Burchell? Madam, she has no claim to my vows: my gratitude, my
compassion, she has an ample right to, and she has them. More
might by this time have been her's, if I had never seen Mrs
Arnold.
Remember, I do not yet desire permission to throw myself at your
feet; I revere you too much to make such a request; but do not
banish me your presence. I cannot always be proof against such
rigours. Indulge me at least in the hope that time may do
something in my favour. I will not desire you to tell me so; but
do not forbid it. Lady Bidulph knows I respect her; but she is
still obdurate. If _she_ relented, would not _you_ madam, do so
too?
I am, &c.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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