"I think I deserve some happiness; you see I have sacrificed so much."
At these words my hopes rose--shall I say like a balloon out of which
a great weight of ballast has been thrown?--and so high did they go
that failure seemed like a little feather swimming in the gulf below.
"She deserved some happiness," and intends to make me her happiness.
Her words could bear no other interpretation; she had spoken without
thought, and instinctively. Albert was away; why should she not take
this happiness which I offered her? Would she understand that distance
made a difference, that it was one thing to deceive Albert if he were
with her, and another when she was a thousand miles away? It was as if
we were in a foreign country; we were under palm trees, we were by the
Mediterranean. With Albert a thousand miles away it would be so easy
for her to love me. She had said there was no question of her marrying
any one but Albert--and to be unfaithful is not to be inconstant.
These were the arguments which I would use if I found that I had
misunderstood her; but for the moment I did not dare to inquire; it
would be too painful to hear I had misunderstood her; but at last,
feeling she might guess the cause of my silence, I said, not being
able to think of anything more plausible:
"You spoke, didn't you, of going for a drive?"
"We were speaking of happiness--but if you'd like to go for a drive.
There's no happiness like driving."
"Isn't there?"
She pinched my arm, and with a choking sensation in the throat I asked
her if I should send for a carriage.
"There will be time for a short drive before the sun setting. You said
you admired the hills--one day we will go to a hill town. There is a
beautiful one--Florac is the name of it--but we must start early in
the morning. To-day there will be only time to drive as far as the
point you have been admiring all the morning. The road winds through
the rocks, and you want to see the ilex trees."
"My dear, I want to see you."
"Well, you're looking at me. Come, don't be disagreeable."
"Disagreeable, Doris! I never felt more kindly in my life. I'm still
absorbed in the strange piece of luck which has brought us together,
and in such a well-chosen spot; no other would have pleased me as
much."
"Now why do you like the landscape? Tell me."
"I cannot think of the landscape now, Doris: I'm thinking of you, of
what you said just now."
"What did I say?"
"You said--I tried to remember the words at the time, but I have
forgotten them, so many thoughts have passed through my mind
since--you said--how did you word it?--after having suffered as much
as you did, some share of happiness----"
"No, I didn't say that; I said, having sacrificed so much, I thought I
deserved a little happiness."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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