Gibbon, Edward, 1737-1794; Historians -- Great Britain -- Biography
I hesitate, from the apprehension of ridicule, when I approach the
delicate subject of my early love. By this word I do not mean the
polite attention, the gallantry, without hope or design, which has
originated in the spirit of chivalry, and is interwoven with the
texture of French manners. I understand by this passion the union
of desire, friendship, and tenderness, which is inflamed by a single
female, which prefers her to the rest of her sex, and which seeks
her possession as the supreme or the sole happiness of our being. I
need not blush at recollecting the object of my choice; and though
my love was disappointed of success, I am rather proud that I was
once capable of feeling such a pure and exalted sentiment. The
personal attractions of Mademoiselle Susan Curchod were embellished
by the virtues and talents of the mind. Her fortune was humble, but
her family was respectable. Her mother, a native of France, had
preferred her religion to her country. The profession of her father
did not extinguish the moderation and philosophy of his temper, and
he lived content with a small salary and laborious duty, in the
obscure lot of minister of Crassy, in the mountains that separate
the Pays de Vaud from the county of Burgundy. In the solitude of a
sequestered village he bestowed a liberal, and even learned,
education on his only daughter. She surpassed his hopes by her
proficiency in the sciences and languages; and in her short visits
to some relations at Lausanne, the wit, the beauty, and erudition of
Mademoiselle Curchod were the theme of universal applause. The
report of such a prodigy awakened my curiosity; I saw and loved. I
found her learned without pedantry, lively in conversation, pure in
sentiment, and elegant in manners; and the first sudden emotion was
fortified by the habits and knowledge of a more familiar
acquaintance. She permitted me to make her two or three visits at
her father's house. I passed some happy days there, in the
mountains of Burgundy, and her parents honourably encouraged the
connection. In a calm retirement the gay vanity of youth no longer
fluttered in her bosom; she listened to the voice of truth and
passion, and I might presume to hope that I had made some impression
on a virtuous heart. At Crassy and Lausanne I indulged my dream of
felicity: but on my return to England, I soon discovered that my
father would not hear of this strange alliance, and that without his
consent I was myself destitute and helpless. After a painful
struggle I yielded to my fate: I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a
son; my wound was insensibly healed by time, absence, and the habits
of a new life. My cure was accelerated by a faithful report of the
tranquillity and cheerfulness of the lady herself, and my love
subsided in friendship and esteem. The minister of Crassy soon
afterwards died; his stipend died with him: his daughter retired to
Geneva, where, by teaching young ladies, she earned a hard
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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