“I have for several days laboured under sad spiritual decay; and have been dreadfully oppressed with the fear of man; and very backward to every good word and work. When the Brahmin consented to be baptized on Tuesday, the enemy raised an alarm in my mind respecting what the effect might be; tumults among the natives; anger on the part of the Europeans; removal by the government: these suggestions greatly distracted me: and I got me to my Lord right humbly, who mercifully delivered me from all these fears; and all these difficulties vanished; yet, at the time, I felt none of that joy or gratitude I ought, on account of the triumph of the cross.” The Journal proceeds: “April 10th, 1808. To-day I am thirty-one years of age. I praise God that I am in the land of prayer; I have been praying for a right spirit of self-examination. It strikes me as remarkable in my experience, that although I could be always on my knees, I am usually straitened, perplexed, and confused in prayer: wandering thoughts perplex me beyond measure; and my imagination is wild and troubled, yet without order, even in vainly flying from one scene to another, and musing on the greatest improbabilities. My mind is, through grace, settled and grounded in the ways of Christ; and, I am persuaded that I shall never leave the heavenly way, because the Lord will keep me in fear of forsaking it. I have no enjoyment in worldly company, or amusements; otherwise, I have nothing of _assurance_, as I have understood it: and though I consent to every tittle stated in our 17th Article, it works nothing of ‘unclean living or presumption.’ It does, however, preserve me from despair; for, I never should be delivered but by the Spirit of Christ: nor, could I hope that His gracious influence would be granted to my prayers, were it not for the unconditional, covenanted, love of God in Christ Jesus. I have many short, but sweet, visits of heavenly grace. My soul is frequently melted down in praise, for the Divine condescension towards me; but little of abiding joy, or realizing faith, stays with me. I find ‘the work of righteousness’ to be ‘peace.’ More of my time has been employed for God, than I could once have thought possible to give; yet few days pass that my soul is not overwhelmed with a sense of short-coming: hence, Thou, O Christ, art all I want!