Memorials and Other Papers — Volume 1De Quincey, Thomas
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Memorials and Other Papers — Volume 1
De Quincey, Thomas
English essays
opulent students--servile to their caprices--and, at one blow, degrading
the science they profess, the teacher, and the pupil? Yet I hear that
such advice _was_ given to a Royal Commission, sent to investigate one
or more of the Scottish universities. In the German universities, every
professor holds his situation, not in his good behavior, but on the
capricious pleasure of the young men who resort to his market. He opens
a shop, in fact: others, without limit, generally men of no credit or
known respectability, are allowed to open rival shops; and the result
is, sometimes, that the whole kennel of scoundrel professors ruin one
another; each standing with his mouth open, to leap at any bone thrown
amongst them, from the table of the "Burschen;" all hating,
fighting, calumniating each other, until the land is sick of its base
knowledge-mongers, and would vomit the loathsome crew, were any natural
channel open to their instincts of abhorrence. The most important of the
Scottish professorships--those which are fundamentally morticed to
the moral institutions of the land--are upon the footing of Oxford
tutorships, as regards emoluments; that is, they are not suffered to
keep up a precarious mendicant existence, upon the alms of the students,
or upon their fickle admirations. It is made imperative upon a candidate
for admission into the ministry of the Scottish Kirk, that he shall show
a certificate of attendance through a given number of seasons at given
lectures.
The next item in the quarterly (or, technically, the _term_) bills of
Oxford is for servants. This, in my college, and, I believe, in all
others, amounted, nominally, to two guineas a year. That sum, however,
was paid to a principal servant, whom, perhaps, you seldom or never
saw; the actual attendance upon yourself being performed by one of his
deputies; and to this deputy--who is, in effect, a _factotum_, combining
in his single person all the functions of chambermaid, valet, waiter at
meals, and porter or errand-boy--by the custom of the place and your own
sense of propriety, you cannot but give something or other in the shape
of perquisites. I was told, on entering, that half a guinea a quarter
was the customary allowance,--the same sum, in fact, as was levied
by the college for his principal; but I gave mine a guinea a quarter,
thinking that little enough for the many services he performed; and
others, who were richer than myself, I dare say, often gave much
more. Yet, sometimes, it struck me, from the gratitude which his looks
testified, on my punctual payment of this guinea,--for it was the only
bill with regard to which I troubled myself to practise any severe
punctuality,--that perhaps some thoughtless young man might give him
less, or might even forget to give anything; and, at all events, I have
reason to believe that half that sum would have contented him. These
minutiae I record purposely; my immediate object being to give
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