Merrie England in the Olden Time, Vol. 1Daniel, George
General
Merrie England in the Olden Time, Vol. 1
Daniel, George
England -- Social life and customs
The person of Uncle Timothy was imposing; and the superfine broad cloth
and brass buttons of Mr. Rumfit had invested it with a magisterial
character that caused a sudden movement among the exhibitors when he
entered their sanctorum. But the middle-aged gentleman soon convinced
them that he was a man of humanity, and no magistrate; which quieted
the alarms of both men and monkeys; and so gracious were his looks and
demeanour, that the shaved bear, which had viewed him with scowling
distrust, no longer kept aloof, but proffered his shaggy paw for a
shake. At this moment the lecturing musician entered the room, and
Jackimo, recognising his benefactor, jumped from the organ, ran up
to him, doffed his cap, and made his best bow! Uncle Timothy and his
company being now upon terms, he ordered in biscuits for the monkeys,
and buns for the bears; not forgetting some nuts for his friend, who
waited for the musician's nod before he cracked one of them. He then
inquired of the bear-ward what his four-footed companion would like
to drink? Upon which the keeper consulted his oracle, and received
for reply, that a jug of homebrewed, with a toast and sugar, would be
supremely acceptable! Uncle Timothy started, conceiving Bruin to have
suddenly become possessed of Balaam's miraculous quality: but the
mystery was soon explained; the keeper being a ventriloquist, and this
one of his Bartlemy Fair tricks.
“Pray gentlemen,” said Uncle Timothy, “by what means do you make these
animals so apprehensive and docile? I fear there is some cruelty in the
case.”
“No cruelty at all, good sir,” replied the lecturing musician, who was
the organ of the company.
“It is your Smithfield drovers and butchers as is cruel! We don't larn
our hanimals to dance on red-hot iron plates, as our aunt's sisters
(ancestors?) did. Now that 'ere monkey o' mine; never was sich a wain
little cove! It costes me a fortin in starch to stiffen his shirt
collars; and if any on'em is in the least limp, my wig! he chatters,
grins, and gies himself all the airs and graces of a fine lady.
Sometimes I larn him his dooty by long lessons and short commons;
sometimes I threatens--only threatens!--(but that in your honour's
ear, for he's a-listening all the while!) to tip him monkey's allowance
(shaking ferociously a very thin cane); but when I want to touch his
feelings, I says, 'Jackimo, you're a good-for-nuffin little monster, and
I'll walk off your _red waistcoat!_'”
“But the monkey and the bear, how relish they the razor?”
“Kindly, sir, kindly!” replied the Bruin shaver. “At first my old
feller was summut rough and ugly; his beard turned the hedges of three
oyster-knives afore I could trim him into a gentleman. But now he sees
the advantage on it. _Don't you, my daisy?_”
The bear, after the fashion of the Irish echo, was made to ventriloquise
in a growl, gruffly, “_I does, my tulip!_”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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