Humorous stories, American; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Fiction; War stories, American
“Gretchen” (_dumb-show of paying a piece of money into her hand_), “du
bist eine der besten Sprach-Lehrerinnen der Welt!” Ach, Gott! Und
täglich sagen die edlen jungen Männer, “Gretchen, liebes Kind”
(_money-paying again in dumb-show—three coins_), “bleib’
taub—blind—todt!” und so bleibe ich.... Jetzt wird es ungefähr neun Uhr
sein; bald kommen sie vom Spaziergehen zurück. Also, es wäre gut dass
ich meinem eigenen Schatz einen Besuch abstatte und spazieren gehe.
(_Dons her shawl._)
Exit. L.
Enter Wirthin. R.
WIRTHIN. That was Mr. Stephenson’s train that just came in. Evidently
the girls are out walking with Gretchen;—can’t find _them_, and _she_
doesn’t seem to be around. (_A ring at the door._) That’s him. I’ll go
see.
Exit. R.
Enter Stephenson and Wirthin. R.
S. Well, how does sickness seem to agree with you?
WIRTHIN. So well that I’ve never been out of my room since, till I heard
your train come in.
S. Thou miracle of fidelity! Now I argue from that, that the new plan is
working.
WIRTHIN. Working? Mr. Stephenson, you never saw anything like it in the
whole course of your life! It’s absolutely wonderful the way it works.
S. Succeeds? No—you don’t mean it.
WIRTHIN. Indeed I do mean it. I tell you, Mr. Stephenson, that plan was
just an inspiration—that’s what it was. You could teach a cat German by
it.
S. Dear me, this is noble news! Tell me about it.
WIRTHIN. Well, it’s all Gretchen—every bit of it. I told you she was a
jewel. And then the sagacity of that child—why, I never dreamed it was
in her. Sh-she, “Never you ask the young ladies a question—never let
on—just keep mum—leave the whole thing to me,” sh-she.
S. Good! And she justified, did she?
WIRTHIN. Well, sir, the amount of German gabble that that child crammed
into those two girls inside the next forty-eight hours—well, _I_ was
satisfied! So I’ve never asked a question—never _wanted_ to ask any.
I’ve just lain curled up there, happy. The little dears! they’ve flitted
in to see me a moment, every morning and noon and supper-time; and as
sure as I’m sitting here, inside of six days they were clattering German
to me like a house afire!
S. Sp-lendid, splendid!
WIRTHIN. Of course it ain’t grammatical—the inventor of the language
can’t talk grammatical; if the Dative didn’t fetch him the Accusative
would; but it’s German all the same, and don’t you forget it!
S. Go on—go on—this is delicious news—
WIRTHIN. Gretchen, she says to me at the start, “Never you mind about
company for ’em,” sh-she—“I’m company enough.” And I says, “All
right—fix it your own way, child and that she _was_ right is shown by
the fact that to this day they don’t care a straw for any company but
hers.”
S. Dear me; why, it’s admirable!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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