Great Britain -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Historical fiction
“I won’t be burned,” he said. “Sorry, but I won’t be burned. It seems
to me, Sylvia, that you ought to like Michael a little more and a little
less.”
“It’s no use saying what I ought to do,” she said. “The idea of what I
‘ought’ doesn’t come in. I like him just as much as I like him, neither
more nor less.”
He clawed some more cushions together, and sat down on the floor by
her. She raised herself a little and rested her body against his folded
knees.
“What’s the trouble, Sylvia?” he said.
“Just what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
“Be more concrete, then. You’re definite enough when you sing.”
She sighed and gave a little melancholy laugh.
“That’s just it,” she said. “People like you and me, and Michael, too,
for that matter, are most entirely ourselves when we are at our music.
When Michael plays for me I can sing my soul at him. While he and I are
in music, if you understand--and of course you do--we belong to each
other. Do you know, Hermann, he finds me when I’m singing, without the
slightest effort, and even you, as you have so often told me, have
to search and be on the lookout. And then the song is over, and, as
somebody says, ‘When the feast is finished and the lamps expire,’
then--well, the lamps expire, and he isn’t me any longer, but Michael,
with the--the ugly face, and--oh, isn’t it horrible of me--the long arms
and the little stumpy legs--if only he was rather different in things
that don’t matter, that CAN’T matter! But--but, Hermann, if only Michael
was rather like you, and you like Michael, I should love you exactly as
much as ever, and I should love Michael, too.”
She was leaning forward, and with both hands was very carefully tying
and untying one of Hermann’s shoelaces.
“Oh, thank goodness there is somebody in the world to whom I can say
just whatever I feel, and know he understands,” she said. “And I know
this, too--and follow me here, Hermann--I know that all that doesn’t
really matter; I am sure it doesn’t. I like Michael far too well to let
it matter. But there are other things which I don’t see my way through,
and they are much more real--”
She was silent again, so long that Hermann reached out for a cigarette,
lit it, and threw away the match before she spoke.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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