The feminine language consists of words placed one after another with extreme rapidity, with intervals for matinees. The purpose of this language is (1) to conceal, and (2) to induce, thought. Very often, after the use of a deal of language, a thought will appear in the speaker's mind. This, while desirable, is by no means necessary. [Illustration] THOUGHT cannot be defined, but it is instinctively recognized even by those unaccustomed to it. PARTS OF SPEECH: There are five parts of feminine speech--noun, pronoun, adjective, verb and interjection. THE NOUN is the name of something to wear, or somebody who furnishes something to wear, or a place where something is to be worn. E.g., _hat, husband, opera_. Feminine nouns are always singular. THE PRONOUN is _I_. ADJECTIVES: There are only four feminine adjectives--_adorable, cute, sweet, horrid_. These are all modified on occasion by the adverb _perfectly_. THE VERBS are of two kinds--active and passive. Active verbs express action; passive verbs express passion. All feminine verbs are irregular and imperative. INTERJECTIONS: There are two interjections--_Heavens_! and _Gracious_! The masculine language is much richer in interjections. DECLENSION: There are three ways of feminine declining, (1) to say No; (2) to say Yes and mean No; (3) to say nothing. CONJUGATION: This is what happens to a verb in the course of conversation or shopping. A verb begins the day quite innocently, as the verb _go_ in the phrase _to go to town_. When it gets to the city this verb becomes _look_, as, for instance, to _look at the shop windows._ Thereafter its descent is rapid into the form _purchase_ or _charge_. This conjugation is often assisted by the auxiliary expression _a bargain_. About the first of the following month the verb reappears in the masculine vocabulary in a parallel or perverted form, modified by an interjection. CONVERSATION in the feminine language consists of language rapidly vibrating or oscillating between two persons. The object of any conversation is always accusative, e.g., "_Mrs. Edwards has no taste in hats_." Most conversations consist of an indeterminate number of sentences, but sometimes it is difficult to tell where one sentence ends and the next begins. It is even possible for two sentences to overlap. When this occurs the conversation is known as a dialogue. A sentence may be of any length, and is concluded only by the physiological necessity of taking breath. SENTENCES: A sentence may be defined as a group of words, uttered in sequence, but without logical connection, to express an opinion or an emotion. A number of sentences if emitted without interruption becomes a conversation. A conversation prolonged over an hour or more becomes a gossip. A gossip, when shared by several persons, is known as a secret. A secret is anything known by a large and constantly increasing number of persons.