Miscellaneous Studies; a series of essaysPater, Walter
Philosophy
Miscellaneous Studies; a series of essays
Pater, Walter
Essays
And at last something of the same kind happens with himself. Had he,
on his way hither from the convent, passed unwittingly through some
river or rivulet of Lethe, that had carried away from him all his so
carefully accumulated intellectual baggage of fact and theory? The
hard and abstract laws, or theory of the laws, of music, of the stars,
of mechanical structure, in hard and abstract formulae, adding to the
abstract austerity of the man, seemed to have deserted him; to be
revived in him again [164] however, at the contact of this
extraordinary pupil or fellow-inquirer, though in a very different
guise or attitude towards himself, as matters no longer to be reasoned
upon and understood, but to be seen rather, to be looked at and heard.
Did not he see the angle of the earth's axis with the ecliptic, the
deflexions of the stars from their proper orbits with fatal results
here below, and the earth--wicked, unscriptural truth!--moving round
the sun, and those flashes of the eternal and unorbed light such as
bring water, flowers, living things, out of the rocks, the dust? The
singing of the planets: he could hear it, and might in time effect its
notation. Having seen and heard, he might erelong speak also, truly
and with authority, on such matters. Could one but arrest it for one's
self, for final transference to others, on the written or printed
page--this beam of insight, or of inspiration!
Alas! one result of its coming was that it encouraged delay. If he set
hand to the page, the firm halo, here a moment since, was gone, had
flitted capriciously to the wall; passed next through the window, to
the wall of the garden; was dancing back in another moment upon the
innermost walls of one's own miserable brain, to swell there--that
astounding white light!--rising steadily in the cup, the mental
receptacle, till it overflowed, and he lay faint and drowning in it. Or
he rose above it, as above a great liquid surface, and hung giddily
over it--light, [165] simple, and absolute--ere he fell. Or there was
a battle between light and darkness around him, with no way of escape
from the baffling strokes, the lightning flashes; flashes of blindness
one might rather call them. In truth, the intuitions of the night (for
they worked still, or tried to work, by night) became the sickly
nightmares of the day, in which Prior Saint-Jean slept, or tried to
sleep, or lay sometimes in a trance without food for many hours, from
which he would spring up suddenly to crowd, against time, as much as he
could into his book with pen or brush; winged flowers, or stars with
human limbs and faces, still intruding themselves, or mere notes of
light and darkness from the actual horizon. There it all is still in
the faded gold and colours of the ancient volume--"Prior Saint-Jean's
folly":--till on a sudden the hand collapses, as he becomes aware of
that real, prosaic, broad daylight lying harsh upon the page, making
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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