It seemed to him, as he lay there buried in the ling, that during the
past three weeks he had lived through a whole drama of feeling--a drama
which had its beginning, its complications, its climax. While it had been
going on he had been only half-conscious of its bearings, half-conscious
of himself. Wallace's letter had made him sensible of the situation, as
it concerned himself, with a decisive sharpness and completeness. There
was no possibility of any further self-delusion: the last defences were
overcome, the last veil between himself and the pursuing force which had
overtaken him had fallen, and Kendal, with a shiver of pain, found
himself looking straight into the wide, hungry eyes of Love! Oh, was this
love,--this sore desire, this dumb craving, this restlessness of the
whole being?
The bees hummed among the heather, every now and then a little
brown-streaked lizard rustled faintly beside him, a pair of kingfishers
flashed across the pond. But he saw and heard nothing, responsive as
every sense in him commonly was to the details of the wild life about
him. His own miserable reverie absorbed him. What was it that had made
the charm of those early weeks in July immediately after his parting with
her? What was it which had added zest to his work, and enchantment to the
summer beauty of the country, and, like a hidden harmony dimly resonant
within him, had kept life tuneful and delightful? He could put words to
it now. It had been nothing less than a settled foresight, a deep
conviction, of _Isabel Bretherton's failure_! What a treachery! But
yes,--the vision perpetually before his eyes had been the vision of a
dying fame, a waning celebrity, a forsaken and discrowned beauty! And
from that abandonment and that failure he had dimly foreseen the rise
and upspringing of new and indescribable joy. He had seen her, conscious
of defeat and of the inexorable limits of her own personality, turning
to the man who had read her truly and yet had loved her, surely, from
the very beginning, and finding in his love a fresh glory and an
all-sufficient consolation. This had been the inmost truth, the centre,
the kernel of all his thought, of all his life. He saw it now with sharp
distinctness,--now that every perception was intensified by pain and
longing.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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