"And then it was that you began to explain to me that, although I might
not be aware of it, the reason that I would not be your wife was that,
having come from heaven, my nature was purer than that of earthly women,
and shrank from marriage as a sacrilege.
"Think of your saying that to me!
"When I comprehended you, and saw that you actually believed what you
said, I realized the folly of imagining that you could ever pardon me for
what I had done, or that the gulf between what I was and what you thought
me to be could ever be bridged. So it was that you yourself gave me back
the resolution and the strength to leave you, which went from me when I
was in your arms. I was overcome with such shame and self-contempt that I
could not even kiss you as I left you for ever.
"I have told you my whole story, Paul, that you may know not alone how
black my deception was, but how bitterly I have expiated it. I came into
this house a frivolous girl; I leave it a broken-hearted woman. Do not
blame me too harshly. It is myself that I have injured most. I leave you
as well off as before you saw me; free to return to your spirit-love. She
will forgive you. It is my only consolation that she is but a
spirit-love. If she were a woman I could never have given you up to her.
Never! Oh, Paul! If I could only hope that you would not wholly despise
me, that you, would think sometimes a little pitifully of
"IDA SLATER."
She next wrote a note to Miss Ludington, full of contrition and
tenderness, and referring her to Paul's letter for the whole story. It
was after two o'clock in the morning when she finished the second letter,
and laid it in plain view beside the other. She next removed her jewels
and exchanged her rich costume for the simplest in her wardrobe, and
having donned cloak and hat, extinguished the light, and softly unlocking
the door, stepped into the hall.
Perfect silence reigned in the house. As she stood listening the clock in
the sitting-room struck three. There was no time to lose. The early
summer dawn would soon arrive, and, before the first servants of
neighbours were stirring she must be outside the grounds and well on her
way.
There was a late risen moon, and enough light penetrated the house to
enable her to make her way without difficulty. As she passed Paul's door
she stopped and stood leaning her forehead against the casement for some
minutes. At last she knelt and pressed her lips to the threshold, and,
choking down a sob, went on downstairs. As she passed through the
sitting-room she paused a moment before the picture. "Forgive me," she
whispered, looking up at the dimly visible face of Ida Ludington, and
passed on. Unfastening a window that opened upon the piazza, she stepped
forth and closed it behind her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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