"Forgive me," she said coldly, "I will not trouble you to answer me. I
have no right to know your secrets or your plans. You have promised to
take me to Polperro, and your name is Trevanion; I will trust to one
bearing your name to do as you have promised. I am sorry to trouble you,
but I am obliged to take advantage of a gentlewoman's claim on a
gentleman, and to ask you to take me to the house of my only friend."
My heart was heavy, for I saw what her words implied. She would regard
me with less respect than she might regard a paid guide. Although she
had said she would trust me, her heart would doubt me all the time. I
knew by the tones of her voice that when the time of our parting came
she would be glad. She had given me a chance of proving myself an
honourable man, and I had been unable to take advantage of it.
Therefore, although by all laws of chivalry I was bound to serve her,
she would accept that service no longer than she absolutely needed me.
Aye, she would loathe my presence and my service, even although she
could not do without them.
This I knew was what my silence meant to her, but what would an
explanation mean? The truth would be perhaps worse than the suspicion.
Never did I despise myself as I did then, and I felt as though I dared
not tell her the truth. But this was only for a second. Despise me
though she must, I would tell her the whole story. I had at least
repented; whatever my motives had been in the past, they were pure now.
"Mistress Nancy Molesworth," I said, "I will answer the questions you
have asked."
"No, no," she interrupted. "I have no right to know. I was wrong in
asking. Your secret life can be nothing to me."
"I must answer your questions nevertheless," I replied. "And you have a
right to know something of the man in whom you trust so much. I shall
probably lose what little confidence you have in me, and certainly all
your respect, but still I must tell you."
She protested again, in chilling, indifferent tones, but I heeded her
not.
"You said just now that I was a Trevanion," I said; "well, you spoke
truly, I am a Trevanion." Then sparing myself in no degree, I told her
the plain facts as I have told them here. It was painful to me, painful
as pulling out my eyes, but I felt I would rather she should know all
than that she trust me blindfolded, while all the time she hated to be
obliged to speak to me. During the time I was speaking she made no
response. Our horses walked slowly on (for by this time I imagined we
were entirely away from the Killigrews), and so she heard every word I
uttered. Sometimes I looked at her face, but it revealed nothing to me.
It was as motionless as the face of a statue.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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