"I will be frank with you," was her answer. "When I heard of your
answers to Otho, when I was told that you preferred imprisonment rather
than promise him that you would not seek to set me at liberty, I doubted
myself. I thought I had been unjust to you. I wrote and told you so.
When I heard of your escape through mastering Benet, and thought of what
it meant, I doubted myself more still. As you know, I was in sore
straits, and when I heard of what my maid told me, I could not believe
that a gentleman would prove false to a defenceless maid. Thus I risked
everything in my desire for freedom, and because I was trying to believe
in you. I believed in you as you fought Benet; but when we were alone
together I shrunk from you in spite of myself. I seemed to see the mask
that you wore. Perchance I appear ungrateful, for indeed, you have so
far behaved as a man of honour should, but every minute my heart is
telling me that you are a traitor, and that you have purposes of your
own of which you dare not speak."
As she spoke, it seemed as though my heart were laid bare to her gaze. I
saw myself a miserable spy, a traitor to the name I bore. I cursed
myself for having aught to do with the maid who was so wise, and wished
that I had spurned Peter Trevisa's overtures. Moreover anger burnt in my
heart against her, and my tongue was unloosed. Unmindful of consequence
I answered her in wrath.
"You call me a traitor," I cried, "because I do not flatter and favour;
because I do not make love to you like Otho Killigrew or his brother
Benet. You trust John Polperro rather than me, because he comes with
honeyed words telling of a love which perchance he doth not feel. Benet
Killigrew would take you from Endellion because he would marry you and
your estates. Otho got a priest to come there with the same end in view.
Polperro is smooth-spoken, but would he render Nancy Molesworth the
service he promises if Restormel did not exist? Well, I come to you with
no honeyed words. I do not tell you that I love you, for in truth I do
not. I love no woman, and will end my life without taking a wife. But am
I a traitor because of that? You accuse me of not telling you all that
is in my mind. Cannot a man have an honourable secret? May I not have
honourable purposes and yet not be able to divulge them? This accusation
seems a poor reward to a man who hath endangered both liberty and life
to bring you so far."
I saw that my answer had its effect. Her lips quivered and her eyes
became softer.
"I am not forgetful of your services, and perchance I am unkind, but in
all my life my heart hath never told me wrong," she said. "All the same
I will trust you if you will answer me one fair question. If you had a
sister, a dear one, in such dire extremity as I am, would you have her
done by as you have it in your heart to do by me?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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