At first, from overmuch inactivity and spiritless brooding, a sort of
languor--a trembling of the limbs--oppresses her; but presently, as the
cold, crisp air creeps into her young blood, she quickens her steps,
and is soon walking with a brisk and healthy motion toward the desired
spot.
Often her eyes fill with unbidden tears, as many a well-remembered
place is passed, and she thinks of a kindly word or a gay jest uttered
here by lips now cold and mute.
There is a sadness in the wood itself that harmonizes with her
thoughts. The bare trees, the fast-decaying leaves beneath her feet,
all speak of death and change. Swinburne's exquisite lines rise
involuntarily to her mind:
"Lo, the summer is dead, the sun is faded,
Even like as a leaf the year is withered.
All the fruit of the day from all her branches
Gathered, neither is any left to gather.
All the flowers are dead, the tender blossoms,
All are taken away; the season wasted
Like an ember among the fallen ashes."
Seating herself upon a little grassy mound, with her head thrown back
against the trunk of a gnarled but kindly beech, she waits her lover's
coming. She is very early, almost by her own calculation half an hour
must elapse before he can join her. Satisfied that she cannot see him
until then, she is rapidly falling into a gentle doze, when footsteps
behind her cause her to start into a sitting posture.
"So soon," she says, and, rising, finds herself face to face
with--Philip Shadwell.
"You see, I have followed you," he says, slowly.
He does not offer to shake hands with her; he gives her no greeting; he
only stands before her, suffering his eyes to drink in hungrily her
saddened but always perfect beauty.
"So I see," she answers, quite slowly.
"You have been in trouble. You have grown thin," he says, presently, in
the same tone.
"Yes."
She is puzzled, dismayed, at his presence here, feeling an
unaccountable repugnance to his society, and a longing for his
departure, as she notes his unwonted agitation,--the unknown but
evident purpose in his eyes.
"When last we met," says Philip, with a visible effort at calmness, and
with his great dark, moody eyes bent upon the ground, "you told me
you--hated me."
"Did I? The last time? How long ago it seems!--years--centuries.
Ah!"--clasping her hands in a very ecstasy of regret--"how happy I was
then! and yet--I thought myself miserable! That day I spoke to you"
(gazing at him as one gazes at something outside and beyond the
question altogether), "I absolutely believed I knew what unhappiness
meant; and now----"
"Yes. You said you hated me," says the young man, still bent upon his
own wrongs to the exclusion of all others. He is sorry for her, very
sorry; but what is her honest grief for her beloved dead compared with
the desperate craving for the unattainable that is consuming him
daily,--hourly?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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