Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
In the silence which followed this devastating remark there suddenly
made itself heard an odd, gurgling noise like a leaking cistern, and
Soapy, gazing at his host, was shocked to observe that he had given
himself up to an apoplectic spasm of laughter. Mr. Carmody's rotund
body was quivering like a jelly. His eyes were closed, and he was
rocking himself to and fro. And from his lips proceeded those hideous
sounds of mirth.
The hope which until this moment had been sustaining Soapy had never
been a strong, robust hope. From birth it had been an invalid. And now,
as he listened to this laughter, the poor, sickly thing coughed quietly
and died.
"Oh dear!" said Mr. Carmody, recovering. "Very funny. Very funny."
"You think it's funny, do you?" said Soapy.
"I do," said Mr. Carmody sincerely. "I wish I could have seen your face
when you looked in that cupboard."
Soapy had nothing to say. He was beaten, crushed, routed, and he knew
it. He stared out hopelessly on a bleak world. Outside the boathouse
the sun was still shining, but not for Soapy.
"I've seen through you all along, my man," proceeded Mr. Carmody, with
ungenerous triumph. "Not from the very beginning, perhaps, because I
really did suppose for a while that you were what you professed to be.
The first thing that made me suspicious was when I cabled over to New
York to make inquiries about a well-known financier named Thomas G.
Molloy and was informed that no such person existed."
Soapy did not speak. The bitterness of his meditations precluded words.
His eyes were fixed on the trees and flowers on the other side of the
water, and he was disliking these very much. Nature had done its best
for the scene, and he thought Nature a washout.
"And then," proceeded Mr. Carmody, "I listened outside the study window
while you and your friends were having your little discussion. And
I heard all I wanted to hear. Next time you have one of these board
meetings of yours, Mr. Molloy, I suggest that you close the window and
lower your voices."
"Yeah?" said Soapy.
It was not, he forced himself to admit, much of a retort, but it was
the best he could think of. He was in the depths, and men who are in
the depths seldom excel in the matter of rapier-like repartee.
"I thought the matter over, and decided that my best plan was to allow
matters to proceed. I was disappointed, of course, to discover that
that cheque of yours for a million or two million or whatever it was
would not be coming my way. But," said Mr. Carmody philosophically,
"there is always the insurance money. It should amount to a nice little
sum. Not what a man like you, accustomed to big transactions with Mr.
Schwab and Pierpont Morgan, would call much, of course, but quite
satisfactory to me."
"You think so?" said Soapy, goaded to speech. "You think you're going
to clean up on the insurance?"
"I do."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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