Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
"Almost the very words the young fellow's sister said to me when she
left him here," rumbled Mr. Flannery complacently. "She said to me,
'Sergeant-Major,' she said, 'it's such a relief to feel that there's
someone like you 'ere, Sergeant-Major,' she said. 'I'm sure you're
wonderful in any kind of an emergency, Sergeant-Major,' she said." He
sighed. "It's thinking of 'er that brings home the sadness of it all to
a man, if you understand me. What I mean, here's that beautiful young
creature racked with anxiety, as the saying is, on account of this
worthless brother of hers...."
"I didn't think she was so beautiful," said Rosa.
An awful silence followed these words, the sort of silence that would
fall upon a housekeeper's room if, supposing such a thing possible,
some young under-footman were to contradict the butler. Sergeant-Major
Flannery's eyes bulged, and he drank coffee in a marked manner.
"Don't you talk nonsense, my girl," he said shortly.
"A girl can speak, can't she? A girl can make a remark, can't she?"
"Certainly she can speak," replied Mr. Flannery. "Undoubtedly she can
make a remark. But," he added with quiet severity, "let it be sense.
That young lady was the most beautiful young lady I've ever seen. She
had eyes"--he paused for a telling simile--"eyes," he resumed devoutly,
"like twin stars." He turned to Mrs. Evans, "When you've got that
case's breakfast ready, ma'am, perhaps you would instruct someone to
bring it out to me in the garden and I'll take it up to him. I shall be
smoking my pipe in the shrubbery."
"You're not going already, Mr. Flannery?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"But you haven't finished your breakfast."
"I have quite finished my breakfast, ma'am," said Sergeant-Major
Flannery. "I would not wish to eat any more."
He withdrew. To the pleading in the eyes of Rosa he pointedly paid
no attention. He was not aware of the destructive effect which the
moustache nestling between his thumb and forefinger had wrought on the
girl's heart, but he considered rightly that if you didn't keep women
in their place occasionally, where were you? Rosa was a nice little
thing, but nice little things must not be allowed to speak lightly of
goddesses.
In the kitchen which he had left conversation had now resolved itself
into a monologue by Mrs. Evans, on the Modern Girl. It need not be
reported in detail, for Mrs. Evans on the Modern Girl was very like all
the other members of the older generation who from time to time have
given their views on the subject in the pulpit and the press. Briefly,
Mrs. Evans did not know what girls were coming to nowadays. They spoke
irreverently in the presence of their elders. They lacked respect. They
thrust themselves forward. They annoyed good men to the extent of only
half finishing their breakfasts. What Mrs. Evans's mother would have
said if Mrs. Evans in her girlhood had behaved as Rosa had just behaved
was a problem which Mrs. Evans frankly admitted herself unable to solve.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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