Money for nothingWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Money for nothing
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Greed -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Swindlers and swindling -- Fiction
He would have gone on torturing himself with these reflections for
a considerable time, but at this moment he suddenly heard a sharp,
clicking sound. It resembled the noise a key makes when turning in
a lock, and was probably the only sound on earth which at that
particular point in his meditations would have had the power to arrest
his attention.
He lifted his head and looked around. Yes, the door was opening. And it
was opening, what was more, in just the nasty, slow, furtive, sneaking
way in which a door would open if somebody like the leper Twist had
got hold of the handle.
In this matter of the hell-hound Twist's mental processes John was
now thoroughly fogged. The man appeared to be something very closely
resembling an imbecile. When flight was the one thing that could do
him a bit of good, he did not fly, and now, having with drugs and
imprisonment and the small talk of sergeant-majors reduced a muscular
young man to a condition of homicidal enthusiasm, he was apparently
paying that young man a social call.
However, the mental condition of this monkey-faced, waxed-moustached
bounder and criminal was beside the point. What was important was to
turn his weak-mindedness to profit. The moment was obviously one for
cunning and craftiness, and John accordingly dropped his head on the
pillow, cunningly closed his eyes, and craftily began to breathe like
one deep in sleep.
The ruse proved effective. After a moment of complete silence, a board
creaked. Then another board creaked. And then he heard the door close
gently. Finally, from the neighbourhood of the door, there came to him
a sound of whispering. And across the years there floated into John's
mind a dim memory. This whispering ... it reminded him of something.
Then he got it. Ages ago ... when he was a child ... Christmas
Eve ... His father and mother lurking in the doorway to make sure that
he was asleep before creeping to the bed and putting the presents in
his stocking.
The recollection encouraged John. There is nothing like having done a
thing before and knowing the technique. He never had been asleep on
those bygone Christmas Eves, but the gift-bearers had never suspected
it, and he resolved that, if any of the old skill and artistry still
lingered with him, the Messrs. Twist and Molloy should not suspect it
now. He deepened the note of his breathing, introducing into it a motif
almost asthmatic.
"It's all right," said the voice of Mr. Twist.
"Okay?" said the voice of Mr. Molloy.
"Okay," said the voice of Mr. Twist.
Whereupon, walking confidently and without any further effort at
stealth, the two approached the bed.
"I guess he drank the whole potful," said Mr. Twist.
Once more John found himself puzzling over the way this man's mind
worked. By pot he presumably meant the coffee pot standing on the tray
and why the contents of this should appear to him in the light of a
soporific was more than John could understand.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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